Jihadist tired of not being given credit

November 24, 2015

Via Faisal Saeed Al Mutar.

It must be incredibly frustrating as an Islamic Jihadist not to have your views and motives taken seriously by the societies you terrorize, even after you have explicitly and repeatedly stated them. Even worse, those on the regressive left, in their endless capacity for masochism and self-loathing, have attempted to shift blame inwardly on themselves, denying the Jihadists even the satisfaction of claiming responsibility.

It’s like a bad Monty Python sketch:

“We did this because our holy texts exhort us to to do it.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Wait, what? Yes we did…”

“No, this has nothing to do with religion. You guys are just using religion as a front for social and geopolitical reasons.”

“WHAT!? Did you even read our official statement? We give explicit Quranic justification. This is jihad, a holy crusade against pagans, blasphemers, and disbelievers.”

“No, this is definitely not a Muslim thing. You guys are not true Muslims, and you defame a great religion by saying so.”

“Huh!? Who are you to tell us we’re not true Muslims!? Islam is literally at the core of everything we do, and we have implemented the truest most literal and honest interpretation of its founding texts. It is our very reason for being.”

“Nope. We created you. We installed a social and economic system that alienates and disenfranchises you, and that’s why you did this. We’re sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologizing? We just slaughtered you mercilessly in the streets. We targeted unwitting civilians – disenfranchisement doesn’t even enter into it!”

“Listen, it’s our fault. We don’t blame you for feeling unwelcome and lashing out.”

“Seriously, stop taking credit for this! We worked really hard to pull this off, and we’re not going to let you take it away from us.”

“No, we nourished your extremism. We accept full blame.”

“OMG, how many people do we have to kill around here to finally get our message across?”


Looking for the perfect gift for the man in your life?

November 24, 2015

If so, this is your lucky day — we’ve found the one handy tool that everyone with a Y chromosome really needs:

Parva leves capiunt animas

November 23, 2015

If you’re just an ordinary schlub who would like to sound clever, erudite, and scholarly, nothing does the trick quite like sprinkling your conversation liberally with Latin phrases. Here are a few that you’re sure to find useful in common everyday situations:

Magister Mundi sum.
I am the Master of the Universe.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes. 
If you can read this, you’re overeducated.

Mellita, domi adsum. 
Honey, I’m home.

Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside, plebians! I am on imperial business!

Quo signo nata es?
What’s your sign?

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem.

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go well with that pink shirt and plaid jacket!

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant.
May barbarians invade your personal space.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant.
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall.

Fac me cocleario vomere.
Gag me with a spoon.

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

In vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
In a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant.
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy.

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes.
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin.

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.


Some beautiful music for Sunday

November 22, 2015

Happy Caturday — weight watchers edition

November 21, 2015

A-hunting we will go

November 20, 2015

The unbearable whiteness of being

November 20, 2015

Right next door to Starbucks.


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