I can’t help admiring people who don’t let little things like the law of gravity get in the way of their having a good time.
From The Barbed Wire.
CONCORD, NH (The Barbed Wire) – Maggie Hassan, governor of New Hampshire, has issued a state of emergency for the entire state of New Hampshire. The governor said the state has become saturated with political ads, with reports of some needing to be rescued from said ads. 9-1-1 operators say calls are coming in from people screaming that they are drowning in political ads.
“The state has been hit with $100 million in political ads for this primary season,” said the governor. “The citizenry is politically weary, and any more ads may push them over the edge. Already, the needle on the state’s bullshit meter has broken off trying to keep up with the lies, half-truths, and allegations contained in the ads.”
Several counties in and around the bigger metropolitan areas in New Hampshire are under political ad warnings until next Wednesday. It’s not just the ads either. Area hospitals are reporting a surge in accidents from pedestrians tripping over campaign signs they couldn’t possibly have seen while they were walking and texting.
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From The Onion.
NEW YORK—Grasping for any way to halt the Democratic candidate’s momentum, a coalition of wealthy donors reportedly pumped millions of dollars into Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign this week in a last-ditch effort to destroy his credibility.
“Unfortunately, our attempts to attack his message and brand him as a radical have had little effect on his poll numbers, so the only option left on the table was a massive, coordinated barrage of maximum-level contributions directly to his campaign,” said hedge fund manager Robert Mercer, who, along with hundreds of other high-net-worth investors and major financial corporations, has funded a new super PAC known as Corporate America For Bernie, which has already debuted a series of laudatory, pro-Sanders television and radio ads aimed at undermining the candidate.
“Our strategy is to hit Bernie with a few million in direct support in New Hampshire, and then unleash an all-out flood of money into his pocket in the run-up to Super Tuesday. We have the resources to keep funding him for as long as it takes to get him out of the race. I can assure you that we will not hesitate to give upwards of $5 million or even $10 million apiece to Bernie’s campaign if that’s what it takes to stop Bernie’s campaign.”
At press time, the newly cash-flush Sanders campaign was launching a series of attack ads targeting its own excessive wealth and influence.