My baloney has a first name

July 24, 2014

The bluebird of bitterness is conducting a totally scientific opinion poll, the findings of which will be completely accurate and reliable. Please answer the following question in the comment section below: Which of these two campaign commercials is worse? Is it this one for Hillary Clinton, former first lady and the worst secretary of state since Cyrus Vance?

Or is it this one, for Cherokee Princess Elizabeth Warren, who rose to prominence and wealth by claiming (without any actual, you know, evidence) to belong to a historically oppressed minority group?

Sorry; I probably should have warned you to have a barf bag handy. If you actually managed to watch either or both of those videos, you could probably use a good strong dose of this. You’re welcome.


Happy birthday, John Newton

July 24, 2014

John Newton was born in London on July 24, 1725. At the age of eleven he went to sea with his father, a ship’s captain. After his father’s retirement, John signed on with a merchant ship sailing to the Mediterranean. He later served a brief and unsuccessful stint in the Royal Navy, after which he joined the crew of a slave ship bound for West Africa. But the ship’s crew found him troublesome, and they left him with an African slave dealer named Amos Clowe, who gave him to his wife as her slave.

In 1748 Newton was rescued by friends of his father and returned to England. He continued his involvement in the slave trade for many years, despite his own experience as a slave, and despite having undergone a religious conversion on one of his voyages. He did not become a true abolitionist until many years after a stroke had forced him to retire from active involvement in the slave trade.

In 1788, Newton published a pamphlet, Thoughts Upon the Slave Trade, in which he described the horrible conditions on the slave ships, and wrote that “It will always be a subject of humiliating reflection to me, that I was once an active instrument in a business at which my heart now shudders.” He joined in the efforts of William Wilberforce and other abolitionists in Parliament to outlaw the slave trade, and he lived to see the passage of the Slave Trade Act on March 25, 1807. Nine months later, he died in London, the city of his birth.

John Newton is best remembered today as the author of the hymn “Amazing Grace.” In 1982, 175 years after his death, he was inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame.

Here is Newton’s greatest hit, sung by Il Divo.

 


Majority of UFO abductions committed by alien that person knows

July 23, 2014

From The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Challenging commonly held misperceptions, the U.S. Department of Justice published a report this week revealing that the vast majority of UFO abductions are perpetrated by aliens a person knows rather than extraterrestrials unfamiliar to victims.

“The popular notion of UFO abductions is of a person being beamed up into the sky by strange, hostile beings from Sirius or Andromeda, but the reality is that most of these abductions are committed by an extraterrestrial acquaintance the victim trusts and feels comfortable around,” DOJ spokesman Devin Shane said of the estimated 2,800 reported victims of UFO abduction last year, many of whom were taken against their will into an advanced spacecraft and subjected to psychological experiments and medical examinations by nonhuman entities they already knew through family or friends.

“While it’s true that a significant number of abductions are still carried out by extrasolar reptilian beings with planetary invasion-related motives, data shows that known relationships with extraterrestrials are by far the greater danger to civilians, with many aliens committing abduction for personal reasons, such as indulging their own cravings for power, control, or revenge, or siphoning human energy from host bodies in order to replicate.”

Officials noted, with a degree of optimism, that evidence now shows only 10 percent of all UFO abductions result in aliens impregnating the victim with thousands of eggs.

For further enlightenment:

Weird Al Yankovic Exposes Illuminati (video)


Prey on words, celebrity edition

July 23, 2014


Another ninja cat to the rescue

July 22, 2014

I never get tired of the video of Tara the cat giving hell to a dog who dared to attack her human. Now another cat with strong protective instincts is being recognized as a hero after he rescued another little boy from his attackers — human ones this time.

This is Smudge with his human, five-year-old Ethan Fenton. Ethan was playing outside with his little brother Ashton when some older boys came along and began taunting him. Ethan tried to ignore the bullies, but they kept picking on him, and then one of them pushed him down.

When Smudge saw this, he sprang into action. He flew at the bully and pounced on him. The boy stumbled backwards, then burst into tears and ran away.

Ever since then, Smudge has been extra-protective of Ethan, even guarding his bedroom door at night. Let’s hope the bully learned an important life lesson from the experience.

(read the full story here)


Come on, people — those hard drives aren’t going to destroy themselves

July 22, 2014

From The Washington Times.

Days after IRS officials said in a sworn statement that former top agency employee Lois G. Lerner’s computer memory had been wiped clean, the agency put out word to contractors Monday that it needs help to destroy at least another 3,200 hard drives.

The Internal Revenue Service solicitation for “media destruction” services reflects an otherwise routine job to protect sensitive taxpayer information, but it was made while the agency’s record destruction practices remain under a sharp congressional spotlight.

Congressional investigators of the IRS targeting of conservative groups have been hampered by the unexplained destruction of emails and other records of Ms. Lerner, the former head of the IRS tax-exempt division and a central figure in the scandal.

The loss of Ms. Lerner’s hard drive also raised broader questions about why the tax agency never reported the missing records to the National Archives and Records Administration, as required by the Federal Records Act.

While those questions remained unresolved, IRS officials signaled plans to destroy tens of thousands of additional electronic records.

“After all media are destroyed, they must not be capable of any reuse or information retrieval,” IRS officials stated in the contract papers.

[story continues here]


Laundry day

July 21, 2014


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