Back during the Cold War, people were taught how to “duck and cover,” so they would know what to do when an atomic bomb exploded in their neighborhood. The Federal Civil Defense Administration, in association with the National Education Association, put together this helpful little film to educate children about the technique:
In the 21st century, most people no longer fear a nuclear attack, but a lot of people are afraid of scary guys with scary guns. Thank heaven for the Department of Homeland Security! They’ve put together another helpful little film to educate us about how to behave when the scary guy with the scary gun shows up, intent on committing mayhem:
I hope you caught that bit at about 1:50 where the narrator suggests that if you are unable to escape or hide, you might try to overpower the gunman with… a pair of scissors. Here’s what a few of my Facebook friends had to say about it (abridged and censored version):
Friend #1: That is shear folly.
Friend #2: You possess a cutting wit.
Friend #1: I always try to cut right to the point.
Friend #2: It’s useful when someone tries to get snippy with you.
Friend #3: Let’s play Glock, paper, scissors!
Friend #4: So DHS is advocating bringing scissors to a gun fight?
Friend #5: But… but… the children!
Friend #6: Running with scissors upgrades them to “assault scissors.”
Friend #7: You might be able to get away while the gunman is rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.
Friend #8: I’m surprised Big Sis didn’t tell us not to resist and just enjoy it.
Friend #9: When [excrement] gets real, police call in the EMTs. They have scissors.
Friend #10: Just be sure those scissors don’t fall into the wrong hands.
Friend #11: WTF do they want me to do with scissors — make him a dress?
Friend #12: Maybe it’s the Samson deal — cut his hair and then he won’t be able to do anything.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, at no point in the DHS film is there any suggestion that it might be to your advantage to have, you know, a gun when you’re confronted with a gun-wielding sociopath. That’s the sort of thing that would occur only to a logical, intelligent, clear-thinking person, and there doesn’t appear to be anyone in the Obama administration who fits that description. I guess we should be thankful that the film mentioned self-defense at all, even if only as a last resort (i.e., if you’re unable to escape or hide), and even if the only weapon you’re allowed to use is a pair of scissors.