It’s a dog’s life

March 22, 2018

A man was out for a stroll one day when he saw a dog tied up in front of a house, with a sign next to it that read “Talking Dog for Sale.”

This piqued the man’s curiosity, so he approached the dog and said, “Is this true? You can talk?”

“Yep,” said the dog.

The man was impressed. “Tell me more,” he said.

“Well, I discovered my gift pretty young,” said the dog. “I wanted to serve my country, so I went to the CIA and told them about my ability, and soon they had me jetting all over the world, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, none whom ever suspected what I was up to. I was one of the agency’s most valuable spies eight years running. But all that jetting around really wore me out, and I wanted to settle down, so I took a job at the airport doing undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and eavesdropping on their conversations. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a bunch of medals. Then I got me a wife, and we raised a litter of puppies, and now I’m retired.”

The man was astounded. He went to the front door of the house and rang the doorbell, and asked the owner how much he wanted for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” said the owner.

“But this dog is amazing!” said the man. “Why on earth would you sell him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar,” said the owner. “He didn’t really do any of that crap.”

Happy birthday, Johann

March 21, 2018

In celebration of the birthday of Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750), here is an innovative performance of one of his greatest hits.

Happy vernal equinox

March 20, 2018

Spring is almost here!

March 19, 2018

Just yesterday I saw two deer in the meadow.

Sunday funnies

March 18, 2018

After Fr. Gregory’s beloved old tabby cat died, he adopted a kitten from the animal shelter and named her Frances. While chasing a squirrel one day, Frances ran up a tree, and then refused to come back down.

The tree wasn’t sturdy enough for a grown man to climb, and Fr. Greg didn’t have a ladder. After thinking it over for a while, he had an idea. He took a piece of clothesline and tied one end to the tree and the other end to his car, thinking that he would drive just far enough to bend the tree down to where Frances could be reached from the ground.

But just about the time the tree was bent far enough, the clothesline snapped. The tree sprang back and Frances sailed up into the air and out of sight.

The priest searched everywhere for the kitten, without success. Finally he gave up and prayed, “Lord, I commit Frances to your keeping.”

A few days later Fr. Gregory was at the grocery store, where he saw one of his parishioners, Mrs. Murray. He noticed that her shopping cart contained several bags of cat litter and a couple dozen cans of cat food.

“I didn’t know you had a cat,” he said.

“We do now,” said Mrs. Murray. She told him how her little girl had been begging for a cat, and how she had always said no. Then a few days ago, when her daughter had resumed her pleading yet again, Mrs. Murray had finally said, “Pray about it. If God gives you a cat, you can keep it.”

“And I know you won’t believe me, Father,” she continued, “but I saw it with my own eyes. Emily went out in the back yard, got down on her knees, and started praying. And a few seconds later, a kitten came flying out of the sky and landed right in front of her!”

Happy birthday, Nikolai

March 18, 2018

Nikolai Andreyevich Rimsky-Korsakov (1844-1908) composed the music for The Tale of Tsar Saltan, of his Son the Renowned and Mighty Bogatyr Prince Gvidon Saltanovich and of the Beautiful Princess-Swan in 1899-1900. The libretto was based on a poem with same unwieldy title by Aleksandr Pushkin. The plot involves, among other things, a rather gullible tsar, his wife the tsarina, her two jealous and vengeful older sisters, an enchantress bent on breaking up the tsar’s marriage, a magical squirrel, a swan who is really a princess in disguise, and a homesick prince whom the swan magically transforms into a bumblebee so he can go pay a little visit to his estranged father. One can’t help wondering if Nikolai Andreyevich had any inkling that the brief orchestral interlude evoking the bumblebee’s flight would become one of his greatest hits. Here it is in its piano version, played by Yuja Wang.

Caturday funnies

March 17, 2018

Caught red-handed.

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