Happy [cheery, merry, joyful, jocular, gleeful] birthday, Peter

January 18, 2018

A little bibliophile humor today in honor of the birthday of Peter Mark Roget (1779-1869), author of Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases Classified and Arranged so as to Facilitate the Expression of Ideas and Assist in Literary Composition.


Snow job

January 17, 2018


It’s a jungle out there

January 16, 2018

Sid was a petty criminal who’d had many run-ins with the law. He needed a job, but because of his record, no one wanted to hire him. Then a pal tipped him off that the local zoo was hiring, and that they had a good record of hiring people in Sid’s situation, so he went to check it out.

The zookeeper told Sid that he needed someone to impersonate a gorilla. “Our gorilla was our main attraction,” the zookeeper said. “But it died a few days ago, and it will be months before we can get another one. All you’d have to do is wear this gorilla suit and eat bananas and keep the visitors entertained.”

The job sounded easy, and the pay wasn’t bad, so Sid agreed. He put on the costume and did his best to act like a gorilla, beating his chest and climbing trees and swinging from branches. He was so convincing that the zoo visitors were fooled, and soon large crowds were gathering every day to watch Sid perform.

One day while Sid was climbing a tree in his enclosure, he ventured too far out on a branch that wasn’t strong enough to hold him. Even worse, he was directly above the lion’s enclosure when the branch broke, and he landed just inches from the surprised lion. Sid knew that if he yelled for help, he would blow his cover and lose his job, but he quickly decided that unemployment was better than being a lion’s lunch.

But before Sid could yell, the lion clapped its paw over his mouth and hissed, “Shut up, you idiot! You want to get us both fired?”


If life gives you snowflakes…

January 15, 2018


Sunday funnies

January 14, 2018


Sunday musical offering

January 14, 2018

When memory fades and recognition falters,
When eyes we love grow dim, and minds, confused,
Speak to our souls of love that never alters;
Speak to our hearts by pain and fear abused.
O God of life and healing peace, empower us
With patient courage, by Your graced infused.

As frailness grows, and youthful strengths diminish
In weary arms, which worked their earnest fill,
Your aging servants labor now to finish
Their earthly tasks, as fits Your mystery’s will.
We grieve their waning, yet rejoice, believing
Your arms, unwearied, shall uphold us still.

Within Your Spirit, goodness lives unfading;
The past and future mingle into one.
All joys remain, unshadowed light pervading,
No valued deed will ever be undone.
Your mind enfolds all finite acts and offerings.
Held in Your heart, our deathless life is won.

When memory fades and recognition falters,
Your arms, unwearied, shall uphold us still.


Caturday funnies — copycat edition

January 13, 2018

 


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