Got ’em!

(The following appeared on Planet Moron on May 2, 2011.)

We would be remiss if we did not address the big news story of the day. After years of laborious effort, the United States Government has struck a decisive blow against an organization that has bedeviled our nation for too long. You probably know what we’re talking about but we’ll give you a hint anyway: The name of the group starts with the letter “A.”

Okay, we gave it away with that one.  Of course, we speak of:

The Amish.

It has been a complex operation, including at one point last year, the 5 AM insertion of United States Food and Drug Administration commandos deep within the mountainous border region of Pennsylvania.

The target: An Amish compound known as “Rainbow Acres.” But don’t be fooled by the name, this farm has nothing to do with rainbows, aside from the occasional rainbow, but rather was believed to be involved in the selling of unpasteurized milk to willing buyers. As FDA investigator/squad leader Joshua C. Shafer explained it to Amish farmer “Dan Allgyer” (also known as “Dan”):

“We have credible evidence that you are involved in interstate commerce.”

Chilling words when you consider the context.  While it is true that many states permit grown adults to engage in such commerce with other grown adults,

“It is the FDA’s position that raw milk should never be consumed.”

As for your position on the subject of raw milk consumption, it’s important that you consider the fact that it doesn’t matter.

And so the FDA has sued to stop Allgyer from pushing their black market milk on unwary consumers such as Liz Reitzig, president of the Maryland Independent Consumers and Farmers Association, whose daughter can’t tolerate pasteurized milk. What does she think of Allgyers “operation?”

“We like the way they farm, we love their product, it’s super-high-quality, they’re wonderful. It’s just a wonderful arrangement.”

“FDA really has no idea what they’re talking about when they’re talking about fresh milk. They have no concept – they really don’t understand what it’s like for people like me who have friends and family who can’t drink conventional milk.”

In other words, “Thank you, FDA.”

And lest we forget, much credit has to go to President Obama who has shown the courage to create an administration that is not afraid to do what it takes to ensure that no American will ever again have wake up in the morning and face the very real horror of deciding for him or herself what kind of milk to drink.

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