I apologize to those of you who are sick to death of wiener jokes, but yesterday two poems showed up in my inbox from friends who have been inspired to works of poetic genius by the shenanigans of Congressman Anthony “Dicky Leaks” Weiner, and I can’t resist passing them along.
First, from a friend who wishes to remain anonymous, this little ditty, to be sung to the tune of “Maria” from West Side Story:
My weiner–I’ve just sent a tweet of my weiner;
My loins have burst aflame; I’m looking for a dame
My weiner–I’m so much in love with my weiner;
For suddenly I’ve found that horny chicks abound
My weiner–say it loud and there’s music playing;
Say it “soft“– PLEASE, not while I’m straying.
My weiner–I’ll never stop waving my weiner!
Say it loud–Hear the trumpets playing.
Say it soft–I’ll pretend that you’re praying.
My weiner–would you like a tweet of
The most beautiful sight in all the world……
And here is The Bard of Murdock, on Protecting the Herd:
A slave to passion or liqueur,
But weasels acting weasely
Should not be seen so publicly.
You’ll never raise a question mark
Attacking Ryan like a shark,
Or tearing Boehner bit from bit;
But if you tweet, you are a twit.
When playing possum with the truth,
It is considered most uncouth
To act as counsel to the crown,
And then be caught by zipper down.
And if you haven’t taken care
When luring mares into your lair,
You may find harbor in some ports,
Unless, of course, you’re caught in shorts.
You’ll have a week for them to see
If you survive the third degree;
But should your image start to molt,
Expect your leadership to bolt.
They will react to save the herd,
And sensing danger, drop the word,
They think you’ve acted like a swine,
And should this very day resign.
(This program, everyone agrees,
Does not apply to Kennedys,
Nor Clinton, who could get a pass,
For any skirmish with a lass.)