Of course, someone will have to read the questions to them

WARNING: CRUDE LANGUAGE

California children who failed math last year are now in summer school, attempting to pass math so they can be promoted before the fall semester begins. In an effort to make math more interesting for the students, California teachers have revised their lesson plans to make the concepts studied more relevant and applicable to the children in their everyday lives. Here are a few sample questions from the new lesson plan:

1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?

2. Raul has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800/day crack habit?

4. Leroy gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4×4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10K for his brother’s bail?

5. Pedro got 6 years for homicide. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

6. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in the gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

7. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda has a boa constrictor that eats 5 rats a week, and each rat costs $4. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how long can she feed her boa constrictor on one week’s income?

8. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it take Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he get whacked?

 

4 Responses to Of course, someone will have to read the questions to them

  1. Otis P. Driftwood says:

    This is another one of those laugh or cry moments. Sadly, I don’t think there is any room to laugh on this one – it seems to hit pretty close to home. And I live in Florida.

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  2. 49erDweet says:

    Last week your post was spot on, but now things in CA are even worse.

    For budgetary reasons in my area there is no “summer school”. Underachieving and/or underserved students can just suck it up till fall. Nothing for them now. They can relax and play all summer. No worries for them. [Probably not much of a future, either, but who cares?]

    There are ongoing “classes” scheduled, however, but they are titled “immigrant training” and only available to students originally speaking Spanish as their mother tongue. Somehow they are receiving preferential treatment. I think this is another part of Hope and Change.

    In another cute move “teachers” will not be teaching those classes – probably due to pesky union seniority rules – instead specially selected [for the occasion] “resource instructors” will be covering the curriculum. Does anyone have any doubts that school administrators will be tweaking the “specially selected” criteria to reward their pets? OK, maybe I am a little too paranoid.

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    • I hated school so much that I went to summer school every summer in an effort to get it over with faster — that’s how I ended up graduating from high school a year early. People think it’s weird that anyone who hated school as much as I did would choose to go to summer school, but I had my reasons, and if they had ever cancelled summer school — for budgetary reasons or any other reason — I would have been furious.

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