I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I were in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
Sorry to have missed you. I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. [The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over.]
bluebird of bitterness 
[…] Bob has all the good stuff. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. […]
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