Ford: Drive one. But not too far.

(The following appeared on Planet Moron on November 4, 2011.) 

Driven by various Obama Administration-inspired government mandates and incentives intended to create new and exciting innovations in personal transportation, Ford Motor Company has introduced what might be its most technologically advanced automobile ever:

The $40,000 Ford Focus Electric.

You read that right. For the price of two compact cars, you can get one compact car.

Think of it as a “Buy 2 Get 1” deal.

To be fair, the imaginatively named Focus Electric offers many advanced features not found on a regular Ford Focus, such as a range between “fill-ups” that is easily half that of a 1908 Ford Model T.

Seriously, progress just moves too fast for us these days.

While it’s true that you will have to stop to fuel up far more frequently than with a gasoline-powered car, at least filling it up will take a lot longer.

That’s right, you can finally kiss those quick, frantic stops at the gas station goodbye for good. Instead, you will find yourself engaging in far more leisurely stops, almost like a visit to a spa, since fully charging a Focus Electric with a 240-volt charging station takes about as long as replacing a transmission. Of course, you don’t have a 240-volt charging station. Almost no one does. But think of the jobs that will be created in the hospitality industry as you scramble to find a room while your Focus Electric charges up overnight on regular household current!

But, faced with rising gasoline prices, the Obama Administration felt it needed to do something.

Such as seeing to it that electricity prices also rise.

You can’t say these guys aren’t thorough.

We should also point out that with a top speed of 84 miles per hour, your $40,000 Focus Electric will easily be able to keep pace with most Vespa Scooters.

Given that electric cars appeal only to those consumers who prefer that products be more expensive yet less convenient (which we believe is Best Buy’s target market), there has to be another reason the Obama Administration is so fond of them. At first we thought it was an attempt to reduce income inequality by giving rich people something else to waste money on, such as the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac executives earning millions of dollars of taxpayer-provided bailout bonus money.

Then we figured it out:

It’s to make high-speed rail look good.

Copyright 2011 by Planet Moron. Reprinted with permission.

One Response to Ford: Drive one. But not too far.

  1. Freedom, by the way says:

    Wonderful piece! Thank you for posting! Only a rich idiot would buy such a vehicle. And only an idiot would promote the buying of such a vehicle. ’nuff said.


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