Vive la différence

EATING OUT

If Laura, Kathy and Linda go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kathy and Linda.

If Mike, Dave and Bill go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Big Mike, Fat Boy, and Bubba.

PAYING THE BILL

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and Bill will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $37.58. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit to wanting change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

ECONOMIC PHILOSOPHY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, just because it’s half price.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in a woman’s bathroom is 173. A man would not be able to identify more than about a dozen of these items.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who has found a successful man.

EXPECTATIONS

A woman marries a man hoping he will change. He never does.

A man marries a woman hoping she won’t change. He, too, is disappointed.

WARDROBE

A woman will dress up to go shopping, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

A man will dress up (grudgingly) for weddings and funerals.

OFFSPRING

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist and doctor appointments, best friends, favorite foods, crushes, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

VERBAL COMBAT

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

4 Responses to Vive la différence

  1. DeniseVB says:

    I have no problem with any of these 🙂

    Like

  2. Freedom, by the way says:

    Some of these are a bit dated, but still funny. Some though will probably always be true

    Like

  3. 49erDweet says:

    Help! I laughingly showed these to my wife and now she won’t speak to me. Does someone have a spare room?

    Like

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