During a trial in a small town, a very proper elderly lady was sworn in with her hand on the Bible, and promised to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her God. Then the prosecutor approached the woman and asked, “Mrs. Smith, do you know me?”
She responded, “Yes, I do, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, I’m very disappointed in you. You lie, cheat, and manipulate people. You think you’re a big shot, but you’re really just a two-bit shyster. Yes, I know you quite well.”
The prosecutor was stunned. After an embarrassed silence, he indicated the defense attorney and asked, “Mrs. Smith, do you know him?”
She replied, “Yes, I’ve known Mr. Bradley for many years. He’s lazy and bigoted and drinks too much. He nearly bankrupted his family with his gambling debts, and he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney blanched. Laughter filled the courtroom.
The judge summoned both attorneys to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, “If either one of you sons of bitches asks her if she knows me, you’re going to jail!”