No best friends allowed

In the past, I’ve ranted about government busybodies trying to dictate what children may eat for lunch and attempting to shut down lemonade stands run by children. Now I hear that yet another normal, healthy part of childhood is about to become verboten: having a best friend. That’s right — having a best buddy is about to join the rapidly-growing list of forbidden childhood pleasures.

That well-known anarchist The Bard of Murdock comments:

My civil disobedience
Began at six or so.
The teacher said, “No best of friends.”
I told her where to go.

And then they tried to confiscate
The lunch my mother packed.
I ate it there beneath my desk,
And heard the riot act.

They banned the sale of lemonade
I offered at my stand.
I moved my trade to alleyways,
For those with cash in hand.

And when I’m feeling devilish
Enough to make them sore,
I mention there’s a Father, Son,
And Spirit I adore.

These bits of nonconformity
Have shaped my point of view:
I never trust the government,
But what’s a lad to do?

Enjoy it while you can, kids. When you get to school, it will be illegal for you to be best buddies.

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