Democratic National Convention Schedule

3:00 pm Opening Flag Burning Ceremony

3:15 pm Singing of “God Damn America” led by Jeremiah Wright, followed by Pledge of Allegiance to Obama

3:30 pm Roll call of all 57 states

3:45 pm Rain Dance led by Cherokee Princess Elizabeth Warren

4:00 pm Tax Preparation Tips from Tim Geithner

4:15 pm Liberal Misogyny: How We Get Away With It, with panelists Bill Maher, David Letterman, and Keith Olbermann

4:30 pm Hair Care Tips from Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

4:45 pm Steven Chu on Growing Algae for Fun and Fuel

5:00 pm Michelle Obama shows slides of her vacations

5:30 pm Personal Finance Seminar with Charles Rangel

5:45 pm Denunciation of Gun Owners by Rosie O’Donnell

6:00 pm Blaming Everything on George Bush and the Koch Brothers

6:15 pm Anna Wintour on Raising Money from the 1% (While Telling the 99% You’re on Their Side)

6:30 pm President Obama feeds the delegates with 5 loaves and 2 fish

7:00 pm For New York delegates only: Big Gulp drinking contest

7:15 pm Hot Dog Eating Contest with Barney Frank and Anthony Weiner

7:30 pm Explaining Death Panels with Kathleen Sebelius

7:45 pm Communism for Beginners, with Van Jones, Maxine Waters, Bill Ayers, and Bernadine Dohrn

8:00 pm Registering Illegal Aliens, Convicted Felons, and Dead People to Vote

8:15 pm ATMs: The Real Cause of High Unemployment

8:30 pm A Catholic Girl’s Guide to Free Contraception, with Sandra Fluke

8:45 pm Unveiling President Obama’s New Cookbook, “Bow Wow Chow: Recipes From My Father”

9:00 pm Evolving Your Principles: Moral Relativism for Politicians, with David Axelrod, Eric Holder, and Joe Biden

9:15 pm Michael Moore presents his new film, “A Tribute to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo”

9:30 pm Obama Energy Plan Tire Gauge Demonstration

9:45 pm John Kerry Medal Toss

10:00 pm Race Baiting for Dummies, with Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and the Congressional Black Caucus (followed by Official Two Minutes Hate Against White Heterosexual Men)

10:30 pm Trayvon Martin Memorial Hoodie Fashion Show

11:00 pm Chevy Volt Drag Race

11:30 pm Ted Kennedy Memorial Drink, Drive, and Drown Triathlon

12:00 am Official Nomination of Barack Obama by Sarah Jessica Parker

12:05 am Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior

12:10 am Celestial Choirs Sing

9 Responses to Democratic National Convention Schedule

  1. DeniseVB says:

    Heh, you do know that is the REAL schedule 😉


  2. Fritz says:

    Gee, it’s too bad I won’t be able to attend.


  3. Freedom, by the way says:



  4. Sam says:

    I love this. Thanks so much for sharing!


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