When the June jobs report came out, with its disappointing numbers, Barack Obama and his pals had their excuse all ready. It was the same one they’d used twenty-nine times previously when earlier monthly reports reflected the abysmal state of the economy: “It is important not to read too much into any one monthly report and it is informative to consider each report in the context of other data that are becoming available.” (If you want to see the other twenty-nine nearly-identical statements issued by the White House in response to previous monthly reports, they are available here; just be sure to take plenty of Nō-Dōz first if you plan to read through the entire mind-numbingly repetitive list.)
The Bard of Murdock observed the White House’s boilerplate response to yet another month’s terrible economic news, and mused on what would happen if he tried that tactic out on his wife:
Each month I take my paycheck home
And hand it to my wife,
Who hopes and prays it might support
Our fancy way of life.
The rent is paid, and then the lights,
And then the doctor bill,
And if the month is very good,
The balance goes for swill.
And each and every single month,
My wife proclaims to me,
“If you were more than half a man,
You’d make your wage times three.”
“My dear, you’re reading far too much
Into a single cheque,”
I tell my wife of twenty years,
And give her cheek a peck.
“In context of the other trends
And data that I see,
My pay compares to this year’s growth
In jobs and GDP.”
And every month she loves me still,
Which only goes to show,
My wife of all these twenty years
Has set the bar quite low.