Blogging is one of my favorite ways of avoiding housework, and as someone who could be described as technologically challenged, I appreciate the fact that WordPress makes it all so easy. Among the great services WordPress provides to bloggers free of charge is Akismet, an automated system that separates spam from legitimate comments. I have no idea how Akismet works, but I’ve always been impressed by how rarely it makes a mistake. (Anyone who’s curious about Akismet can learn more here, and no, WordPress is not paying me to do this little commercial for them.)
At bluebird of bitterness, spam comments outnumber legitimate comments by a ratio of about 17 to 1 (yes, I actually did the arithmetic to arrive at that number; I have quite a lot of housework I’m avoiding at the moment). As I explained in a previous post, I usually skim through the spam before trashing it, just to see if any legitimate comments have ended up there by accident. While I’m there, I occasionally read some of the spam comments. Why, you wonder, would I waste my time in such a manner? Because I have kind of a warped sense of humor, and some things just tickle my funny bone — one of them being prose that reads as if it had been written in Sanskrit by someone whose first language is Norwegian, then translated from Sanskrit to English by someone whose first language is Urdu. For example:
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Not all spam gets translated into English, however. Sometimes I find the spam filter full of comments that looks like this:
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or even this:
دیکشنری ترکی استانبولی دیکشنری انگلیسیترجمه سوئدی دیکشنری ترکی استانبولی دیکشنری انگلیسیترجمه سوئدی دیکشنری ترکی استانبولی دیکشنری انگلیسیترجمه سوئدی دیکشنری ترکی استانبولی دیکشنری انگلیسیترجمه سوئدی دیکشنری ترکی استانبولی دیکشنری انگلیسیترجمه سوئدی دیکشنری ترکی استانبولی دیکشنری انگلیسیترجمه سوئدی
Most of the time, however, spammers make their comments in something that at least resembles English. Some can barely contain their gushing enthusiasm for my humble little blog:
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Hey, that’s why I started blogging — so I could peak people’s interest.
I love it when readers express astonishment that there is no admission charge at bluebird of bitterness:
It’s so pretty generous with you to deliver unhampered just what most people would’ve made available for an electronic book to end up making some profit for themselves, considering that you could possibly have tried it in case you desired.
Occasionally a visit to the birdhouse results in unexpected benefits for the reader:
A powerful share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a bit of evaluation on this. And he the truth is purchased me breakfast because I found it for him.
Once in a while a reader will be on the very brink of despair, when a chance visit to bluebird of bitterness restores his or her will to live:
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Nothing makes a blogger happier than knowing that she’s forced a reader to jump with fulfillment.
On the other hand, this blog clearly isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Some readers just can’t resist letting me know how much I have disappointed them:
The very core of your writing whilst appearing agreeable initially, did not really work well with me personally after some time.
Somewhere throughout the sentences you managed to make me a believer but only for a short while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your jumps in assumptions.
Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something informative to read?
Well, I guess you can’t please everyone.
Sometimes a spammer will get just a little too cozy with me:
I am continually browsing online for articles that can facilitate me. Would you be excited by exchanging hyperlinks?
Sorry, but I never exchange hyperlinks on the first date.
Some spammers just want to tell me their personal problems:
Opulently after spending three nights in agony with a very sore tooth, irrefutable it had to be sorted as i be experiencing to look after three tiring kids so need to watch it sorted so i could be struck by some sleep.
Occasionally one will even offer me investment advice:
Buying pennies today just to trade them in tomorrow is just brilliant. Any time you have a chance to tripe your investment, you have to take it!
I’m not an expert on these things by any stretch of the imagination, but you can be sure that anytime I’m able to tripe my investment, I jump at the opportunity.
But my favorite comments are the ones that tell me how awesome I am:
Some of your articles are so well written that looks like poetry.
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You made my day, pal. Tell your cousin — him or her — I said “thanks.”