Our national nightmare begins

(The following appeared on Planet Moron on October 1, 2013.)

A foreboding gray sky greeted us here at Planet Moron headquarters early this morning, deep in the heart of the Washington DC metropolitan area. It was as if nature herself shared the anguish of the fate that was soon to befall us.

“Was this really happening?” we asked ourselves in a voice that was full of anguish and possibly a cinnamon Danish.

Were we really going to live through an entire day with only 80% of the federal government operating?

And yet, the unthinkable happened.

Clearly, there is serious business to be done. The nation’s finances are on an unsustainable course, we’re weeks away from breaching our debt ceiling, and the Affordable Care Act, already fiscally problematic, is off to a rocky start.

That is why our local representatives moved quickly in a fully bipartisan manner to introduce emergency legislation that would attend to the most critical policy goal at the moment.

Making sure federal workers get paid for not working.

Such is the goal of  the “Federal Employee Retroactive Pay Fairness Act.”

As Congressman Frank Wolf noted of the furloughed employees:

“They should be properly compensated for the hard work they do.”

And, the hard work they don’t do.

Both would be great.

And fair.

Besides, as Representative Wolf further notes:

“Let’s also not forget that several federal workers paid the ultimate price just last week in the Navy Yard tragedy.”

His logic is unassailable:

  1. A maniac murdered federal employees.
  2. The government is furloughing federal employees.
  3. Furloughed federal employees should get paid for not working.

Also, you’re a hater.

No one would argue that not working often leads to not getting paid. The issue here is that these are federal government workers, not just random private employees doing Lord-knows-what in flyover country somewhere.

There is a larger issue at stake here as well: The damage that might be done to the local Washington DC metro economy were workers not paid for not working.

Why on earth should those of us living in Washington DC have to experience the same recession and stagnation the rest of you have been living with for years? It’s like we’re commoners all of a sudden.

And so we here at Planet Moron fully endorse the notion of paying people for not working.

Where’s our check?

4 Responses to Our national nightmare begins

  1. Mike says:

    I’m stealing this Bob.


  2. Mike says:

    Reblogged this on makeaneffort and commented:
    This would be incredibly funny if not so true…
    Thanks BOB! And, thanks to Planet Moron as well! Follow them both if you’re not already… heck, follow them twice.


  3. 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

    Every person on planet moron should contact their leaders and ask, “What in the hell are you doing?”


  4. Benmo says:

    Your check’s in the mail.


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