… witch doctors are making a comeback.
… Canadians will choose to get their health care in Canada.
… the NSA won’t be the only agency with all my personal information.
… the only doctors in my network are Dr. Pepper, Dr. Scholl, and Doc Marten.
… Sandra Fluke can have all the sex she wants and never be punished with a baby.
… youngsters will find out what it was like for their great-grandparents growing up in the 1930s.
… we’ve learned the president can lie to us and it’s okay because it was for our own good.
… my family doctor is going back to school — he wants to learn to be a plumber.
… more Americans than ever are discovering the fun of working only part time.
… we get 16,000 new IRS agents, making health care more affordable.
… millions of health care policies are as fake as Obama’s sign language interpreter.
… my deductible will be more than the down payment on my house.
… if you liked your doctors, you’ll just have to settle for sending each of them a friend request.
… LifeLock has a whole new set of identity thieves to guard against.
… Mom can get free prostate exams.
… Dad can get free mammograms.
… Grandma can get free birth control.
… Grandpa can get free lactation counseling.
… Jimmy Carter is no longer ranked as the worst president ever.