Don’t know much about climate change

Global warming, my tailfeathers.

Exactly how does global warming cause such frigid weather? The People’s Cube explains:

In cold years like these, climate change deniers always ask a trick question, “How come global warming can cause both heating and cooling?” The answer is actually quite simple.

We all know that sometimes it’s hot as Hell*, and sometimes it’s cold as Hell. Clearly, Hell can make it hotter or colder. The science is settled on the fact that global warming will be Hell on Earth, and since Hell can make it hotter or colder, global warming can, therefore, also make it hotter or colder.

Let’s go one step further. Things can also be boring as Hell, as in “nothing’s happening, it’s the same old same-old.” Thus, Hell can also mean that things don’t change. If you’ve followed the reasoning so far, you can clearly see that if it gets hotter, colder, or temperatures are flat, it’s due to global warming. Just as predicted.

Granted, the realization that warming can cause cooling takes a little imagination, and this is exactly what the deniers lack, or they wouldn’t deny imaginary science. Any way you cut it, warming is a catastrophe. Imagine every day of the year two degrees hotter. Tomorrow it will be 22 degrees instead of today’s 20. A day six months from now it will go from 90 to 92 degrees. Can you imagine the carnage? Not if you’re a denier.

We’re talking about a return to the Medieval warm period. We certainly know what that entails. Viking raids will start up all over again. The polar bear will become extinct a second time. All peer-reviewed literature will be written in Latin. There’ll be no Obamacare and everybody’s four humors will get totally out of whack without the government managing our bodily functions. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg – except there’ll be no icebergs!

All because of CO2. You know what produces a lot of CO2? Climate change deniers, who just can’t stop breathing in and out. We must put an end to that. 

*We capitalize Hell because it’s the name of a place. You know, like Washington, D.C. or Detroit.

5 Responses to Don’t know much about climate change

  1. Did anyone tell these global warmers hell never gets cold? Hell doesn’t serve ice for a very validated reason it turns to hot water. Hell doesn’t serve snow-cones because one would have color hot water to drink. Residence in hell have to come up in winter just to cool off. This is a good winter for them to come up. Okay I am through being a smart butt, lol.

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  2. Citizen Tom says:

    Supposedly mourning doves are in Virginia year round. Don’t recall seeing them lately. Looks like even Texas is not far enough south this year.

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  3. All I know is, it’s really stinking cold here and snowing like crazy and the stupid dog keeps wanting to go for walks.

    That was a great People’s Cube piece. At the bottom of the comments, Oleg linked to the Russian edition in St. Petersburg. I guess the Russians don’t have any trouble recognizing fraud these days. Wish we were as good at it.

    Would love a repost, if you can, Bob!

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  4. 49erDweet says:

    Usually have two mourning doves perched on my street light each morning, but lately there’ve been six. Probably tourists.
    And one hummingbird feeder refill lasted all season, until this week, but suddenly it drops lower every day. Definitely tourists!!!!!

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