Local woman searches Bible in vain for beloved ‘Footprints in the Sand’ passage

From The Babylon Bee.

RIVERBANK, CA—In the middle of a Friday Bible study of which she is a semi-regular attender, sources confirmed local woman Rachel Atkinson intently searched the Book of Psalms for her favorite Scripture—the much-beloved ‘Footprints In The Sand’ poem.

“I just know it’s here somewhere. Or was it in Ecclesiastes?” Atkinson reportedly muttered as she leafed through the pages of her crimson Scofield Reference Bible, confident that every page turn would reveal the inspired words to help accentuate her conversational point about the love of Jesus. “It sure sounds like a Psalm, right?”

According to her friends and family, Atkinson often references the passage, which relays the vision of a man looking over his life with Christ and realizing that Christ in fact never abandoned him but carried him through his worst times. “Yeah, Rachel quotes that chapter all the time,” offered her husband. “It’s in Proverbs, right?”

At publishing time, Atkinson had moved on and was performing a Google search on her smartphone to find out what chapter of Luke contained the account of the little drummer boy playing his drum for Jesus.

More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:

King of Saudi Arabia Really Getting a Kick out of Apple Lecturing North Carolina

Target Announces Senior Discount for Anyone Who Self-Identifies as Age 60 or Older

Adult Coloring Book to Feature Favorite Imprecatory Psalms

Jaws of Life Needed to Remove Worship Leader’s Skinny Jeans

This entry was posted on Friday, April 29th, 2016 at 4:47 pm and is filed under Babylon Bee. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

6 Responses to Local woman searches Bible in vain for beloved ‘Footprints in the Sand’ passage

  1. lbeth1950 says:
    April 29, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    That must have been in the Bible my dad quoted that forbade men to milk cows.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The Tuesday Prude says:
    April 29, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    HAhA! Love the Babylon Bee! Incidentally, I went to another church for a Christmas Eve service. The pastor told about the 3 wise men, their names, their spiritual gifts and their family histories. A girl in front of me grabbed a Bible in confusion and started leafing through it to find the passage 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. patriciaruthsusan says:
    April 29, 2016 at 11:24 pm

    Unbelievable! 😀 — Suzanne.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. GruntOfMonteCristo says:
    April 30, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    You’ve ruined me, Bird. I went browsing on Babylon, and found “Woman Convinced Amish Porn Genre Definitely Not Porn.” I’m a little dazed.

    Liked by 1 person

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