From The Onion.
LAUREL, MD—Noting that the 81-year-old is still in relatively good health to this day, sources reported Monday that elderly man Jonathan Eckman, who has outlived his wife by eight years now, must not have loved her very much.
“If he didn’t die the day after his wife, or later that year on their wedding anniversary, then he probably didn’t really care about her at all,” said local acquaintance Dana Ridgely, who added that the least Eckman could have done if he, in fact, cherished and adored the woman he spent 50 years of his life alongside, was die within a few weeks of her.
“He vows to be with her forever, he raises three kids with her, and he spends nearly every moment with her for decades, but he doesn’t even pass away moments after she does, still holding her hand? He must have been cheating on her or something.”
Sources added that unless Eckman dies 10 years to the day after his wife’s passing, it was almost guaranteed that he never even loved her to begin with and their marriage was one big lie.