Health experts recommend standing up at desk, leaving office, never coming back

From The Onion.

ROCHESTER, MN—In an effort to help working individuals improve their fitness and well-being, experts at the Mayo Clinic issued a new set of health guidelines Thursday recommending that Americans stand up at their desk, leave their office, and never return.

“Many Americans spend a minimum of eight hours per day sitting in an office, but we observed significant physical and mental health benefits in subjects after just one instance of standing up, walking out the door, and never coming back to their place of work again,” said researcher Claudine Sparks, who explained that those who implemented the practice in their lives reported an improvement in mood and reduced stress that lasted for the remainder of the day, and which appeared to persist even into subsequent weeks.

“We encourage Americans to experiment with stretching their legs by strolling across their office and leaving all their responsibilities behind forever just one time to see how much better they feel. People tend to become more productive, motivated, and happy almost immediately. We found that you can also really get the blood flowing by pairing this activity with hurling your staff ID across the parking lot.”

Sparks added that Americans could maximize positive effects by using their lunch break to walk until nothing looks familiar anymore and your old life is a distant memory.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 20th, 2016 at 8:00 am and is filed under circus of life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to Health experts recommend standing up at desk, leaving office, never coming back

  1. insanitybytes22 says:
    September 20, 2016 at 8:21 am

    Lol, now that’s hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thomas says:
    September 20, 2016 at 8:52 am

    Highly recommended. I speak from experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. enkounters says:
    September 20, 2016 at 9:20 am

    Never coming back is the best part. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Spar Harmon says:
    September 20, 2016 at 9:35 am

    burning bridges
    starting over

    yup
    four times in 75 years

    yup
    open, o ye gates
    be ye lifted up
    and LET the King of Glory
    come in

    Liked by 3 people

  5. sepultura13 says:
    September 20, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    Best life-enhancer, ever! Definitely recommended, and I speak as a beneficiary of this health remedy!
    😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says:
    September 20, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    “…walk until nothing looks familiar anymore and your old life is a distant memory.” Great idea! Tomorrow morning when I’m walking the dogs to the park, I may try that!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Eileen says:
    September 21, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    LOL and loved it, but didn’t show it to my husband who is self employed and works from home! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The Weekly Headlines – My Daily Musing says:
    September 24, 2016 at 7:30 am

    […] Health experts recommend standing up at desk, leaving office, never coming back […]

    Liked by 1 person

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