Health experts recommend standing up at desk, leaving office, never coming back

From The Onion.

ROCHESTER, MN—In an effort to help working individuals improve their fitness and well-being, experts at the Mayo Clinic issued a new set of health guidelines Thursday recommending that Americans stand up at their desk, leave their office, and never return.

“Many Americans spend a minimum of eight hours per day sitting in an office, but we observed significant physical and mental health benefits in subjects after just one instance of standing up, walking out the door, and never coming back to their place of work again,” said researcher Claudine Sparks, who explained that those who implemented the practice in their lives reported an improvement in mood and reduced stress that lasted for the remainder of the day, and which appeared to persist even into subsequent weeks.

“We encourage Americans to experiment with stretching their legs by strolling across their office and leaving all their responsibilities behind forever just one time to see how much better they feel. People tend to become more productive, motivated, and happy almost immediately. We found that you can also really get the blood flowing by pairing this activity with hurling your staff ID across the parking lot.”

Sparks added that Americans could maximize positive effects by using their lunch break to walk until nothing looks familiar anymore and your old life is a distant memory.

13 Responses to Health experts recommend standing up at desk, leaving office, never coming back

  1. Lol, now that’s hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thomas says:

    Highly recommended. I speak from experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. enkounters says:

    Never coming back is the best part. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Spar Harmon says:

    burning bridges
    starting over

    yup
    four times in 75 years

    yup
    open, o ye gates
    be ye lifted up
    and LET the King of Glory
    come in

    Liked by 3 people

  5. sepultura13 says:

    Best life-enhancer, ever! Definitely recommended, and I speak as a beneficiary of this health remedy!
    😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “…walk until nothing looks familiar anymore and your old life is a distant memory.” Great idea! Tomorrow morning when I’m walking the dogs to the park, I may try that!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Eileen says:

    LOL and loved it, but didn’t show it to my husband who is self employed and works from home! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. […] Health experts recommend standing up at desk, leaving office, never coming back […]

    Liked by 1 person

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