bluebird of bitterness

abdicate: to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach

algebra: what the Little Mermaid wears

allege: a rocky platform on a mountain

arbitrator: a cook that leaves Arby’s to work at Burger King

arson: our daughter’s brother

artery: the study of paintings

avoidable: what a bullfighter tries to do

bacteria: back door to a cafeteria

backward: patient rooms at the rear of a hospital

balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline

baloney: where some hemlines fall

barium: what doctors do when patients die

bassinet: what every fisherman wants

belong: to take your time

benign: what you be after you be eight

Bernadette: the act of torching a mortgage

buccaneer: how much a pirate pays for his earrings

burglarize: what a crook sees with

carpet: animal companion that enjoys riding in an automobile

cauterize: made eye contact with her

circular definition: see definition, circular

circumvent: opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

coffee: the person upon whom one coughs

condescend: a prisoner escaping down the wall using a rope

control: a short, ugly inmate

copper nitrate: police officer’s overtime pay

current: fee charged by Rent-A-Mutt

deduce: de lowest card in de deck

diagnostic: someone who is unsure if there are two gods

dilate: live long

document: repeating what your doctor told you in your own words

donkey: object that unlocks door to the godfather’s house

earthquake: topographical error

eclipse: what a gardener does to a hedge

esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk

excommunicated: received a phone call from a former spouse

eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist

falsehood: someone pretending to be a gangster

fanatic: to ventilate the extreme upper portion of a house

fibula: small lie

fission: what Huck Finn did when he played hooky

flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight one has gained

flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

gargoyle: an olive-flavored mouthwash

geometry: what the acorn said when it grew up

grateful: what it takes to build a good fire

ground beef: cow with no legs

handicap: ready-to-use head covering

hangnail: what you hang your coat on

hari-kari: transporting a wig

heroes: what a guy in a canoe does

hunger: what the posse did to the lady rustler

hypochondriac: someone who won’t leave well enough alone

hypothesis: what a boy says to his father on the telephone

icing: what I do when I shower

impotent: distinguished, well known

infantry: newly planted sapling

intense: where campers sleep

irony: opposite of wrinkly

kinship: your sibling’s boat

laughingstock: cattle with a sense of humor

laundress: gown worn while sitting on the grass

left bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot

midget: center engine of a three-engine fast plane

minimum: a very small mother

misty: how golfers create divots

morbid: a higher offer than I bid

nacho cheese: cheese that doesn’t belong to you

negligent: a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie

observatory: what George Washington’s spies did

oyster: person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms

pandemonium: housing development for pandas

paradise: ivory cubes used in craps and backgammon

paradox: what you need two apples a day to keep away

paraffins: found on the sides of fish

paralyze: two falsehoods

parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

pharmacist: a helper on the farm

Pokemon: a Jamaican proctologist

Polynesia: memory loss in parrots

primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV

protestants: worker ants out to overthrow the queen

rampage: section of a book about male sheep

rectum: darn near killed ’em

relief: what trees do in spring

selfish: what the owner of a seafood shop does

sherbet: a tip on a horse race or sporting event

stirrup: what you do with cake batter

subdued: a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man

subsidy: a town underneath another town

sudafed: brought litigation against a government official

tenure: a year after nineure

terminal illness: getting sick at the airport

testicle: humorous question on an exam

thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary

tumor: one plus one more

trapezoid: a device for catching zoids

unabated: a fishhook without a worm

understudy: prepare inadequately for an exam

urine: opposite of you’re out

vanguard: a person who protects trucks

warehouse: what you ask when you’re lost

wholesale: where a gopher goes to buy a home

willy-nilly: impotent

Carpet? Does that start with a C or a K?

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