From The Babylon Bee.
GREENBELT, MD—Stephen Page has always found himself attracted not only to the Baptist tradition that raised him, but also, secretly, to Presbyterianism, a denomination that he has long considered timeless and beautiful—and after years of living a “double life,” the local man has finally come out to his friends and family and officially identified himself as bidenominational.
A relieved Page spoke to reporters outside of Trinity Presbyterian Church after his big announcement Thursday, describing himself as “relieved” and “finally free.”
“I go to a Baptist church, and I go to a Presbyterian church. I love them both. It’s who I am,” he said. “Do I find believer’s baptism to be biblical and beautiful? Yes. But guess what? I’m down with some paedobaptism too.”
“Sometimes I’ll even hit the early service at the Presby church, watch a baby get sprinkled, and then go rock out at my Baptist church’s 11 a.m. service and see some folks get dunked,” he admitted. “I love who I am and wouldn’t want to be any other way.”
Asked if he had ever dabbled in Lutheranism, and intrigued Page said no, and added that he was “definitely going to look into that.”