From The Babylon Bee.
ONTARIO, CA—Dr. Gary Arbino, Professor of Old Testament at the Gateway Seminary in southern California and world-renowned biblical archaeologist claims to have unearthed King David’s essential oils collection, the scholar announced Thursday.
The 3,000-year-old repository of oils was preserved from decay in a cave recently discovered by roaming bedouin shepherds in the Judaean desert. This archaeological find, rivaling that of the Dead Sea Scrolls in 1946, confirms claims that these oils originate from ancient religious rites and rituals.
At a press conference devoted to the discovery, Arbino noted that these oils will help scholars interpret the Scriptures in a new light: “Evidently these oils are much more essential than we initially believed—we now consider King David’s statement ‘You anoint my head with oil’ in Psalm 23 to be a reference to doTERRA’s CitrusBliss Invigorating Blend.”
Others have been quick to add their support for Arbino’s interpretation. “It makes perfect sense,” one press conference attendee confirmed, “David was a tortured soul. He could have used more Serenity, and less Passion, if you know what I mean.”
In related news, sales of essential oils have more than doubled since the announcement. According to one doTERRA representative, supply for doTERRA’s Passion Inspiring Blend and Serenity Restful Blend will not soon match current demand.
bluebird of bitterness 
Ha! Love this. The Babylon Bee is so accurate, it’s downright scary.
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They’re doing the job the rest of the media won’t do.
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Very cute!
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🙂
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Oh good grief! Great spoof on the essential oils wars.
xx,
mgh
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😀
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I’ve never used them but sometimes wondered if they deserved more credit than they received. I loved the “roaming bedouin shepherds” part. Are there many still wandering over there? 😀 — Suzanne
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Hey, if you saw it in The Babylon Bee, it must be true.
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Never heard of The Babylon Bee but I’ll be back for sure after reading this. Very funny.
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If you have time on your hands, go to their website and sign up for their daily newsletter. If you don’t have time on your hands, don’t do it, because you’ll spend way too much time there — at least if you’re anything like me, not that I would wish that on anyone. 🙂
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I believe I signed up for it in a moment of weakness. Now I know my productivity will go down exponentially..
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That’s very possible; however, weigh that against the lower stress levels you will experience from laughing a lot more. 🙂
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Yes, good point. And my mission is to laugh more and to help others laugh more, so this is in line with my values.
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That’s the spirit!
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[…] Sunday funnies […]
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Thank you for the link. 🙂
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