LONDON DAILY MIRROR, 10 November 2017
Last Monday started out like any other Monday for Patricia C. Black of Bexley. Ms. Black, 38, a loan officer at Lloyds Bank in Middlesex, was at her desk trying to get some paperwork done before a staff meeting that was scheduled for 9:00 a.m. That was when Philippe Broussard, recently arrived from France, walked into her life.
Mr. Broussard, 21, approached Ms. Black and said that he wished to apply for a business loan.
“He was a bit difficult to understand,” Ms. Black told The Mirror. “His English was broken and heavily accented.”
Ms. Black says she asked Mr. Broussard what sort of business he proposed to start, and Mr. Broussard replied that he hoped to open a gift shop. He then opened his rucksack and removed a collection of ceramic figurines, which he proceeded to line up along the edge of Ms. Black’s desk.
“He said that was what he planned to sell,” said Ms. Black. “I don’t mind telling you, I was a bit flummoxed. Chap looked a good deal too young to be starting a business, and honestly, the things he proposed to sell didn’t look like the sort of thing any bloke in his right mind would buy.”
Ms. Black asked Mr. Broussard to tell her more about himself.
“He said that he’d only recently arrived in the U.K., which came as no surprise, and that he had been unable to find a job, which also came as no surprise,” she said.
“Then I asked him about his family, and that was when things became rather difficult to believe,” Ms. Black continued. “He said he’d been born in Paris, and that his mother was the French supermodel Colette Broussard and his father was Keith Richards. He said he’d been unable to find work in Paris, and that he came to the U.K. because he thought his chances would be better here. And when he couldn’t find a job here either, he decided to start his own business.”
At that moment, the bank president, Rupert J. Thistlewaite, chanced to be passing by, and Ms. Black asked him if he might stop for a moment and listen to Mr. Broussard’s story.
Mr. Thistlewaite listened attentively as Mr. Broussard once again told his story and repeated his request for a business loan. When Mr. Broussard had finished speaking, Ms. Black picked up one of the figurines from her desk and handed it to the bank president.
“‘This is what he plans to sell,’ I told him,” said Ms. Black. “I asked Mr. Thistlewaite what he made of it.”
According to Ms. Black, Mr. Thistlewaite regarded the figurine thoughtfully, then handed it back and said, “It’s a knickknack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
bluebird of bitterness 
Hahahaha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw, jeez. Despite having heard this one before, I fell for it hook, line and sinker.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a very old joke, but I went to a lot of effort to make it sound like a plausible tabloid news story. 🙂
LikeLike
You did an excellent job!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww, thanks — you’re so sweet. 🙂
LikeLike
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
That was really great. I read it aloud, slowly and seriously, to Milady Webworker. She LOL’d heartily. “I did not see that one coming!”
LikeLiked by 1 person
You should have recorded your performance, mindful. Did you do the accents?
LikeLike
Didn’t do accents. Just read it like an American reporter reading a Brit story. Staging this would be fun. Wonder if our bank would let us film it there? 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] News from across the pond […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, ha. That was a long lead-in with a knickknack whack at the end. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person