Bar jokes for English majors

❧ A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

❧ A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

❧ An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

❧ Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

❧ A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

❧ Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

❧ A question mark walks into a bar?

❧ A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

❧ Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a war. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

❧ A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

❧ A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

❧ Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart. 

❧ A synonym strolls into a tavern.

❧ At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

❧ A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

❧ Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

❧ A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

❧ An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles’ heel.

❧ The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

❧ A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

❧ The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

❧ A dyslexic walks into a bra.

❧ A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. 

❧ An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

❧ A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

❧ A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

❧ A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony. 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 20th, 2018 at 1:17 pm and is filed under simple pleasures. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

58 Responses to Bar jokes for English majors

  1. Christa Polkinhorn says:
    February 20, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Ha ha. Great. Something for lovers of the English language!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. thelonelyauthorblog says:
    February 20, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Carl D'Agostino says:
    February 20, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    A bar walks into two men…

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Tricia says:
    February 20, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Love this!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Donnalee says:
    February 20, 2018 at 1:59 pm

    I used to have an education. This is great!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Apple Hill Cottage says:
    February 20, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    Alas, where is the semicolon? He walked into a bar; the bartender saw him turn into a wink; he was never heard from again. 😉

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Bar jokes for English majors — bluebird of bitterness | WyldKat's Lair says:
    February 20, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    […] More here:   Bar jokes for English majors — bluebird of bitterness […]

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The Tuesday Prude says:
    February 20, 2018 at 3:38 pm

    Are you kidding? This is genius. Will you lose all respect for me if I confess I hadn’t heard of a chiasmus? Hello, beautiful.

    Liked by 5 people

  9. mindful webworker says:
    February 20, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    Tuesday Prude: …Will you lose all respect for me if I confess I hadn’t heard of a chiasmus?…

    I must admit, it was new to me, too. Yet obvious by context.

    Bluebird of Bitterness blog: Come for the clever collections and stay for the vocabulary expansion.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Thomas Anger says:
    February 20, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    As a lover of the hyphen, I say hi-larious.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. goldsounds says:
    February 20, 2018 at 6:27 pm

    Reblogged this on walmsley.blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. patriciaruthsusan says:
    February 21, 2018 at 12:13 am

    These are clever. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Bruce Goodman says:
    February 21, 2018 at 12:31 am

    Loved the Oxford comma particularly!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Bar jokes for English majors… | Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog says:
    February 21, 2018 at 5:01 am

    […] See the rest of the post HERE […]

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Bar jokes for English majors | Will S.' Sunny Side Blog says:
    February 21, 2018 at 5:24 am

    […] via Bar jokes for English majors […]

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Will S. says:
    February 21, 2018 at 5:28 am

    🙂

    A thesaurus walks / wanders / goes into a bar / tavern / watering hole…

    Liked by 5 people

  17. merrildsmith says:
    February 21, 2018 at 5:49 am

    These are great. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. V.M.Sang says:
    February 21, 2018 at 9:06 am

    I absolutely loved this one! I’m reblogging it on Dragons Rule OK.

    Try this one.
    A Latin professor went to a restaurant. He ordered his meal with a glass of Hock. While waiting he baganto mutter to himself,
    ‘Hic, Haec , Hoc
    Hunc Hanc Hoc…’
    He was harlfway through his meal when he realised his wine had not arrived, so he called the waiter over.
    ‘I ordered a glass of hock with my meal,’ he said,’ but it hasn’t arrived.’
    ‘Oh, yes, sir,’ said the waiter, ‘but then you declined it.’

    Liked by 6 people

  19. egorr says:
    February 21, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    {Mr. Backus|Mr. Naur} {walks|ambles|slouches} into a {bar|watering hole|drinking establishment}…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Rae Longest says:
    February 21, 2018 at 7:38 pm

    Reblogged this on powerfulwomenreaders.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. V.M.Sang says:
    February 22, 2018 at 12:14 pm

    Reblogged this on Dragons Rule OK. and commented:
    I absolutely love this.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Ernesto San Giacomo says:
    February 22, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    An onomatopoeia walked into a bar and with a whoosh, he left. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  23. *Press it* Bar jokes for English majors #21 | Its good to be crazy Sometimes says:
    February 24, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    […] LOL I know a few friends (M and C I am looking at you) who will enjoy this via Bar jokes for English majors […]

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Sunday Post – 25th February, 2018 | Brainfluff says:
    February 25, 2018 at 7:06 am

    […] jokes for English Majors https://bluebirdofbitterness.com/2018/02/20/bar-jokes-for-english-majors/ I loved these – though there were one or two that had me blinking and wondering what the joke […]

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Gina Burgess says:
    February 26, 2018 at 10:56 am

    I’m reblogging this post at AuthorsCommunity.net. Since I couldn’t find your name to give you credit, I’ll link back to your very interesting blog. Found you through Dragons Rule 🙂 Thanks for the chuckles and the education 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Bar Jokes for English Majors (and Authors) - Authors Community says:
    February 26, 2018 at 11:04 am

    […] By Bluebird of Bitterness […]

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Mark Eades says:
    February 27, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    I utterly and literally love this post, though it should be said I never walk into a bar as I might hit my head on it. Instead, I always enter a bar.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Philip says:
    February 28, 2018 at 8:01 am

    An alliteration ambles into an alcoholic alcove.

    Liked by 3 people

  29. donjoe0 says:
    February 28, 2018 at 2:44 pm

    Shouldn’t it be “alcohol is its Achilles’ heel” though, in the possessive? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Mellow Curmudgeon says:
    March 1, 2018 at 8:13 am

    A redundancy walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks over ice cubes.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Amie Wolf says:
    March 3, 2018 at 5:08 pm

    I shared your blog with Tom Jenks of Narrative Magazine because it’s so clever. He commented that you’re very talented. In the event you’re interested in submitting anything to him and his magazine, I think he would like that. Wish I knew your name!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. justspittinstuffout says:
    March 5, 2018 at 8:47 am

    The last one’s great.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. More bar jokes for English majors | bluebird of bitterness says:
    March 6, 2018 at 10:29 am

    […] I published Bar jokes for English majors, I had a sneaking suspicion that my faithful readers — and perhaps even a few faithless ones […]

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Mean Teacher says:
    March 10, 2018 at 2:22 am

    A man walks into a bar and orders a double entendre so the bartender gave him one.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Robert Kirkendall says:
    March 24, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    A thesaurus ambled into a tavern.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. mitchteemley says:
    March 28, 2018 at 4:50 pm

    Hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

%d bloggers like this: