Bar jokes for English majors

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a war. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart. 

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles’ heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. 

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony. 

61 Responses to Bar jokes for English majors

  1. Ha ha. Great. Something for lovers of the English language!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A bar walks into two men…

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Donnalee says:

    I used to have an education. This is great!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Alas, where is the semicolon? He walked into a bar; the bartender saw him turn into a wink; he was never heard from again. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  5. […] More here:   Bar jokes for English majors — bluebird of bitterness […]

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Are you kidding? This is genius. Will you lose all respect for me if I confess I hadn’t heard of a chiasmus? Hello, beautiful.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Tuesday Prude: …Will you lose all respect for me if I confess I hadn’t heard of a chiasmus?…

    I must admit, it was new to me, too. Yet obvious by context.

    Bluebird of Bitterness blog: Come for the clever collections and stay for the vocabulary expansion.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Thomas Anger says:

    As a lover of the hyphen, I say hi-larious.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. These are clever. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Loved the Oxford comma particularly!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Will S. says:


    A thesaurus walks / wanders / goes into a bar / tavern / watering hole…

    Liked by 4 people

  12. merrildsmith says:

    These are great. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. V.M.Sang says:

    I absolutely loved this one! I’m reblogging it on Dragons Rule OK.

    Try this one.
    A Latin professor went to a restaurant. He ordered his meal with a glass of Hock. While waiting he baganto mutter to himself,
    ‘Hic, Haec , Hoc
    Hunc Hanc Hoc…’
    He was harlfway through his meal when he realised his wine had not arrived, so he called the waiter over.
    ‘I ordered a glass of hock with my meal,’ he said,’ but it hasn’t arrived.’
    ‘Oh, yes, sir,’ said the waiter, ‘but then you declined it.’

    Liked by 6 people

  14. egorr says:

    {Mr. Backus|Mr. Naur} {walks|ambles|slouches} into a {bar|watering hole|drinking establishment}…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. V.M.Sang says:

    Reblogged this on Dragons Rule OK. and commented:
    I absolutely love this.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. An onomatopoeia walked into a bar and with a whoosh, he left. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  17. […] LOL I know a few friends (M and C I am looking at you) who will enjoy this via Bar jokes for English majors […]

    Liked by 1 person

  18. […] jokes for English Majors I loved these – though there were one or two that had me blinking and wondering what the joke […]

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Gina Burgess says:

    I’m reblogging this post at Since I couldn’t find your name to give you credit, I’ll link back to your very interesting blog. Found you through Dragons Rule 🙂 Thanks for the chuckles and the education 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Mark Eades says:

    I utterly and literally love this post, though it should be said I never walk into a bar as I might hit my head on it. Instead, I always enter a bar.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Philip says:

    An alliteration ambles into an alcoholic alcove.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. donjoe0 says:

    Shouldn’t it be “alcohol is its Achilles’ heel” though, in the possessive? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  23. A redundancy walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks over ice cubes.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Amie Wolf says:

    I shared your blog with Tom Jenks of Narrative Magazine because it’s so clever. He commented that you’re very talented. In the event you’re interested in submitting anything to him and his magazine, I think he would like that. Wish I knew your name!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. The last one’s great.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. […] I published Bar jokes for English majors, I had a sneaking suspicion that my faithful readers — and perhaps even a few faithless ones […]


  27. Mean Teacher says:

    A man walks into a bar and orders a double entendre so the bartender gave him one.

    Liked by 1 person

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