More bar jokes for English majors

When I published Bar jokes for English majors, I had a sneaking suspicion that my faithful readers — and perhaps even a few faithless ones — would chime in with additions of their own, and they did not disappoint. They inspired me to write a few more as well. So here we go with round two:

❧An adverb walks into a bar purposefully, demands a bottle of whiskey urgently, consumes it single-handedly, and passes out immediately.

❧A homonym woks into a barre.

❧A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. The bartender gives it to her.

❧A flirtatious semicolon walks into a bar and winks at a colon who’s making eyes at her.

❧His, hers, theirs, mine, yours, and ours walk into a bar and quickly take possession.

❧Alliteration arrives at an authentic Alabama alehouse and asks for applejack.

❧A contraction walks into a bar even though it isn’t thirsty, doesn’t feel like drinking, and can’t explain why someone who’s not in the mood to drink wouldn’t avoid bars.

❧A spoonerism balks into a war and has a muddy blary.

❧An anagram walks into a bar owned by an anemic iceman from the cinema.

❧Redundancy walks into a bar that serves alcoholic beverages and asks for scotch on the rocks over ice cubes.

❧After work, before going home, a preposition walks into a bar beside the parking lot behind the office, and drinks with reckless abandon throughout the evening, ending up under the table.

❧An incomplete sentence into a bar

❧A thesaurus walks/ambles/saunters/wanders/strides/traipses into a bar.

❧Onomatopoeia whizzes into a bar, barks out an order, guzzles a drink, then zips out with a whoosh.

❧A misplaced apostrophe walk’s into a bar and drink’s a few beer’s.

❧Subject and verb walk into a bar, but the bartender kicks them out because they don’t agree.

❧An interjection walks into a bar—ouch!

❧A heteronym walks into a bar, even though it’s close to time for the place to close. 

❧Bob, Eve, Hannah, Otto, Ada, Nan, Mom, and Dad walk into The Palindrome Saloon. 

❧Alphabet. Barroom. Cocktails. Drinking. Euphoric. Fried. Giddy. Hammered. Inebriated. Juiced. Kippered. Loaded. Muddled. Narcotized. Obliviated. Pickled. Quaffy. Ravaged. Schnockered. Tanked. Unsteady. Vulcanized. Wasted. 

❧William Shakespeare walks into a pub
   In search of refreshment and levity;
He asks the bar maid for some spiked lemonade,
   Having heard it increases longevity;
Then he says to the lass, “Use a very short glass,
   For the soul of wit is brevity.”

24 Responses to More bar jokes for English majors

  1. egorr says:

    I am simply amazed at people and their creativity. What fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Will S. says:

    Reblogged this on Will S.' Sunny Side Blog and commented:
    BoB, your readers are the best! (And not just because I am one of them.) 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Thomas Anger says:

    Kudos to your witty contributors.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok, wait. How about: “A possessive adjective couldn’t walk into a bar. She lost her I.D.” Or: “Syntax tipsy out of the bar walked.” Whaddya think?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. […] I just love these. via More bar jokes for English majors […]

    Liked by 1 person

  6. V.M.Sang says:

    I love these. Keep them coming, please.
    Reblogged on Dragons Rule OK and commented ‘I just love these.’

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Betty Ord says:

    More amusing verbiage!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. […] Bluebird of bitterness: More bar jokes for English majors […]

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