When I published Bar jokes for English majors, I had a sneaking suspicion that my faithful readers — and perhaps even a few faithless ones — would chime in with additions of their own, and they did not disappoint. They inspired me to write a few more as well. So here we go with round two:
❧An adverb walks into a bar purposefully, demands a bottle of whiskey urgently, consumes it single-handedly, and passes out immediately.
❧A homonym woks into a barre.
❧A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. The bartender gives it to her.
❧A flirtatious semicolon walks into a bar and winks at a colon who’s making eyes at her.
❧His, hers, theirs, mine, yours, and ours walk into a bar and quickly take possession.
❧Alliteration arrives at an authentic Alabama alehouse and asks for applejack.
❧A contraction walks into a bar even though it isn’t thirsty, doesn’t feel like drinking, and can’t explain why someone who’s not in the mood to drink wouldn’t avoid bars.
❧A spoonerism balks into a war and has a muddy blary.
❧An anagram walks into a bar owned by an anemic iceman from the cinema.
❧Redundancy walks into a bar that serves alcoholic beverages and asks for scotch on the rocks over ice cubes.
❧After work, before going home, a preposition walks into a bar beside the parking lot behind the office, and drinks with reckless abandon throughout the evening, ending up under the table.
❧An incomplete sentence into a bar
❧A thesaurus walks/ambles/saunters/wanders/strides/traipses into a bar.
❧Onomatopoeia whizzes into a bar, barks out an order, guzzles a drink, then zips out with a whoosh.
❧A misplaced apostrophe walk’s into a bar and drink’s a few beer’s.
❧Subject and verb walk into a bar, but the bartender kicks them out because they don’t agree.
❧An interjection walks into a bar—ouch!
❧A heteronym walks into a bar, even though it’s close to time for the place to close.
❧Bob, Eve, Hannah, Otto, Ada, Nan, Mom, and Dad walk into The Palindrome Saloon.
❧Alphabet. Barroom. Cocktails. Drinking. Euphoric. Fried. Giddy. Hammered. Inebriated. Juiced. Kippered. Loaded. Muddled. Narcotized. Obliviated. Pickled. Quaffy. Ravaged. Schnockered. Tanked. Unsteady. Vulcanized. Wasted.
❧William Shakespeare walks into a pub
In search of refreshment and levity;
He asks the bar maid for some spiked lemonade,
Having heard it increases longevity;
Then he says to the lass, “Use a very short glass,
For the soul of wit is brevity.”