Monster Energy introduces new maximum strength formula for VBS volunteers

From The Babylon Bee.

CORONA, CA—Monster Beverage Corporation announced Friday the company is introducing a new “maximum strength” formula of its popular energy drink, specifically targeted at Vacation Bible School volunteers.

The drink claims to have “the absolute maximum amount” of Vitamins B12, B6, B3, caffeine, and taurine a human can ingest at one time without dying, in addition to newly discovered proprietary chemicals designed to help VBS volunteers labor for hours each day.

“Whether you’re expected to display almost creepy levels of enthusiasm and excitement in the daily VBS skits or rallies, or your hands are bleeding from making insanely complex spaceship crafts out of aluminum foil and Elmer’s glue, Monster Energy: VBS Blend is for you,” a spokesperson said. “Nursery workers, games organizers, and especially children’s ministers are going to love this new product.”

The energy drink is shipping now in three flavors: Watered-Down Punch, Cheesy Casserole, and Baptist Grape.

3 Responses to Monster Energy introduces new maximum strength formula for VBS volunteers

  1. egorr says:

    Ah, were he alive today, Jonathon Winters would have a blast commenting on VBS volunteering!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tricia says:

    Too funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Abigail says:

    The maximum amount one can ingest without dying? Tempting. Who wouldn’t want to walk the line of mortality while serving the Lord? (Science side note: For what it’s worth, B12 has very low toxicity, as the body absorbs only as much as it needs and expels the rest.)

    Liked by 1 person

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