Sunday funnies

From The Babylon Bee.

God Confuses All the Languages Again to Stop Everybody from Arguing Online

In a modern-day repeat of the Tower of Babel narrative, the Lord has reportedly confused the languages of everyone who uses the internet in order to stop all the arguing.

The miraculous intervention occurred in an instant, as people around the world suddenly realized their means of communication had been scrambled so as to confound their efforts to flame each other.

A heavenly representative then released the following modern-day revelation, to be added to the end of the Bible, in order to record the event:

And the whole earth was of one internet, and of one online community.

And they said one to another, “Let us build websites and call them Facebook and Twitter, and we shall argue on them and call each other nazis and make each other miserable and angry.”

And the Lord came down to the see the websites which the children of men had built.

And the Lord said, “Behold, the people is one, and they have all one internet and this they begin to do: just yell and scream at each other and make straw-man arguments in their own image. They are completely useless, and they make me sad. Let us go down and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech, and thus stop all the stupid arguing and maybe do something useful with their time instead.”

So the Lord confounded their languages and broke Google Translate and the people were unable to use Twitter or Facebook get in pointless arguments with each other. Some then went on to do useful things, though most just watched something off Netflix.

At publishing time, humanity had agreed to begin to work together to figure out their new languages so they could resume arguing again as soon as possible.

Other stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:

Humanity Just a Few More Bans Away from Only Having Good Opinions on the Internet

America Fondly Recalls Time When Most Divisive Topic of Discussion Was Sega Vs. Nintendo

Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane, Pope Francis Clarifies

Millennial Drops Support for Socialism After Learning How Hard It Is to Get Avocado Toast in Venezuela

Joel Osteen Targets Millennials with New Book: ‘You Can Even!’

Nation Wonders Who the Heck These People Are with Enough Free Time to Scour the Internet for Old Offensive Tweets

3 Responses to Sunday funnies

  1. John Holton says:

    Thanks for the introduction to The Babylon Bee. I get the feed everyday, and it’s hilarious, kind of The Onion with more religious overtones.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Abigail says:

    Internet is both a blessing and a curse. Fortunately, for my purposes (work and school) it’s mostly a blessing. The only curse I can think of presently is the eye strain…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t laugh. It could happen. 😦 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

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