Hot cross puns

A Viking returned home after a long voyage and discovered that his name was missing from the town register. His wife brought this to the attention of a local civic official, who apologized, saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”

❧  ❧  ❧

Three young Indian braves got married, and each built a teepee for his squaw. The first made a teepee from antelope hide, the second made a teepee from buffalo hide, and the third made a teepee from hippopotamus hide. Nine months later, the squaw in the first teepee had a baby boy, the squaw in the second teepee had a baby girl, and the squaw in the third teepee had twins…which just goes to show that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.

❧  ❧  ❧

Larry was spending the summer working on a cattle ranch in Nebraska, while his girlfriend Katie taught horseback riding at a summer camp in Kentucky. At the beginning of the summer, Larry wrote to Katie every day, telling her how much he missed her and how he looked forward to seeing her again when the summer was over. But when Larry got to know the rancher’s daughter Edith, he became a lot less lonely, and his letters to Katie became less frequent. When the summer came to an end, Larry found himself torn between his desire to see his girlfriend again, and his sadness over having to leave the rancher’s daughter. Still, he was smart enough to know that you can’t have your Kate and Edith, too.

33 Responses to Hot cross puns

  1. These are great. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 2 people

  2. egorr says:

    A pun is just about the lowest form of humor, but it is not so low that Man won’t stoop to it…

    ;P

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. floridaborne says:

    Oh, those were soooo bad I couldn’t stop laughing.

    I won 2 tickets to a theater production once where there was a contest to come up with puns. My winning entry?:

    A scientific expedition went to study sea life and found a dolphin that had feet handing from its flippers. They caught it and put it in a tank.

    One scientist looking at this strange sight felt sorry for the clumsy creature flopping around and said, “Perhaps we should remove the offending appendages.”

    Mystified, the other scientist asked, “Wouldn’t that be defeating the porpoise?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. That second one was so clever it took me a moment!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. […] I don’t know whether to laugh or groan at these, thanks for sharing chris via Hot cross puns […]

    Liked by 1 person

  7. manyofus1980 says:

    Reblogged this on Therapy Bits and commented:
    Omg lol at these if you need a giggle here you are… 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Don’t you just love corn!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The second story is a uh, er racist. Native Americans women are not called squ*ws anymore. It was never a word of endearment.

    Like

    • It’s a joke. This is a humor blog. Lighten up. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I realized it was a joke but someone else may not see it that way. 🙂

        Like

        • When you live in constant fear of giving offense — especially now that we have entire classes of people who seem to make a career out of being offended — humor becomes impossible. Legions of comedians (some of them very good ones) no longer perform on college campuses for that very reason. Humor, if it’s any good, is edgy by definition, and people who are easily offended should just avoid humorists… including even humble little humor blogs like this one.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Some offense words have a terrible history behind them as to why they could never be brought to mind of anyone rather people are easily offended or not. I don’t believe you know the history behind the word. The English word Squaw is an ethnic and sexual slur, historically used for Indigenous North American women. Contemporary use of the term, especially by non-Natives, is considered offensive, derogatory, misogynist and racist. The English word is not used among Native American, First Nations, Inuit or Métis peoples.

            Like

          • There are many ways to have humor without offending anyone. I tell joke all the time.

            Like

          • There is no such thing as humor that is guaranteed not to offend anyone. I never set out to give offense, and I don’t care for humorists whose primary goal is giving offense, but the possibility of giving offense is a risk all comedians, humorists, and purveyors of humor take. Eliminate every single word, image, or concept that is capable of giving offense, and what remains is not going to be funny. People need to learn to lighten up.

            Like

  10. V.M.Sang says:

    Wonderful punning stories. Reblogged and scheduled for next Tuesday.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. […] Bluebird of Bitterness: Hot cross puns […]

    Liked by 1 person

  12. […] via Hot cross puns  […]

    Liked by 1 person

  13. paws4puzzles says:

    Reblogged this on Paws 4 Puzzles and commented:
    Sometimes for my puzzles I collect punny jokes. These are particularly groan worthy!

    Liked by 1 person

%d bloggers like this: