From The Duffel Blog; bowdlerization by the bluebird of bitterness.
PACIFIC OCEAN — The Navy has warned it will indeed turn this ship around if the Marines onboard don’t stop poking each other, sources confirmed today.
“So help me God, I will pull this ship over so fast,” Navy said, adding that the Marines on the ship were currently “out of f**king control.”
According to defense officials, the incident started when one group of Marines started to cross into the berthing area of a second group of Marines. The poking began shortly after, and included direct contact and several Marines using the comment, “stop hitting yourself,” relating to the younger Marines involved.
Whoever first initiated contact has since disappeared into a he-said-she-said scenario to a point where the Navy has “had it up to here,” officials said.
Although the Navy was said to be near a breaking point, the Marine Corps still decided to ask, “why?”
“Because I said so!” a visibly-annoyed Navy responded. Not satisfied, the Marine Corps decided to escalate the situation, saying that “the Air Force doesn’t have to stop when you ask them to.”
“If the Air Force jumped out of an airplane would you do it, too?” Navy said.
“F**k yeah!” responded Marines.
“Agh! Shut up! Just. Shut. Up, and sit there and think about what you’ve said to me.”
Officials say the Marine Corps is currently grounded, and in seriously so much trouble once the Navy gets home.