Sunday funnies

Babies of the Bible 

See how many you can identify: 

1. I was the first baby ever born, and if you want my opinion, my parents should have quit while they were ahead. But then they went and had that irritating little brother of mine. Together, we invented sibling rivalry.

2. God had promised my old man a son, but He was taking a long time getting around to keeping His promise, and my old man was getting impatient, so he had an affair with his wife’s servant. The result was me.

3. My mother was ninety years old and my father was a hundred when I was born. Imagine giving birth in the geriatric ward and sending the bill to Medicare! Is it any wonder that my name means “laughter”?

4. My brother and I were twins, but definitely not identical. He got the brawn and I got the brains. We raised the art of sibling rivalry to new heights.

5. I was the only girl in a very large family. You wouldn’t believe all the trouble my twelve brothers caused — especially that little spoiled brat who was Daddy’s favorite.

6. At the time I was born, it was illegal for people like my parents to have baby boys, so my mom had to throw me into the river. Good thing she remembered to put me in a basket first!

7. One of my father’s wives had lots of kids, and the other one didn’t have any. One day, in desperation, she went to the temple to pray for a baby. God heard her prayer, and nine months later, she had me.

8. Even though the pregnancy test was positive, my old man didn’t believe it because he thought he and Mom were too old for that kind of stuff. Because he refused to believe, he lost his voice and couldn’t speak until after I was born. Mom said it was the most peaceful nine months of her life.

9. I’m not saying you should never invite a Persian astrologer to a baby shower, but if you do, be prepared to receive some very unusual gifts. Take it from one who knows.

ANSWERS: 1. Cain; 2. Ishmael; 3. Isaac; 4. Jacob; 5. Dinah; 6. Moses; 7. Samuel; 8. John the Baptist; 9. Jesus


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