Sunday funnies

Pastoral Search Committee Report

The committee thanks everyone who suggested candidates for this position. We have followed up on each one. Here is our report: 

Adam: Good man but has problems with his wife.

Noah: Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Joseph: Obnoxious braggart with a prison record.

Moses: Has a speech impediment and a bad temper. Rumored to have left an earlier position over a murder charge.

David: Had an affair with a married woman, then had her husband bumped off and used the power of his office to avoid charges.

Solomon: Good preacher, but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.

Elijah: Bad temper, prone to depression and occasional suicidal tendencies.

Hosea: Good man, but our people could never handle his wife’s profession.

Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things.

Isaiah: Claims to have seen angels in church. 

Jonah: Refused God’s call until after he’d been swallowed by a giant fish.

Amos: Has hangups about wealthy people. Might fit in better with a poorer congregation.

John: Claims to be a Baptist, but definitely doesn’t dress like one. Has slept outdoors for months on end. Weird diet. 

Jesus: Provokes denominational leaders. Seldom stays in one place long.

Peter: Too blue collar. Bad temper. Rumored to have denied Christ publicly.

Paul: Tactless, has a prison record, and has been known to preach all night.

Timothy: Too young.

Judas: Good connections. Knows how to handle money. Cares about the poor. We’ve invited him to preach this Sunday.

17 Responses to Sunday funnies

  1. Belinda says:

    The painful truth is so often humorous 😑

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ha! Very good. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well now, that explains some things.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Could be a political candidate search committee report, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So Judas was acceptable huh. Sounds familiar. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  6. […] I totally snagged this from Bluebird because I just found it hysterically funny. Click to read the whole thing, Pastoral Search Committee Report. […]

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor) and commented:
    I found this hilarious. I have dealt with several committees, and their perception of candidates can be quite interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “Seldom stays in one place long” I’m still chuckling over that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That is great! I can here it in the board meeting!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love this piece….so true. Faults were found with everyone except the one that was truly at fault.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. timecrawlerblog says:

    True and funny we see them with everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. red says:

    Yep. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You know, what I found encouraging, as an actual pastor, is that I saw myself in a few of those descriptions – of those turned down, of course. But hey, being compared to Elijah isn’t too bad 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  14. How diverse are people who can serve the Lord!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. My Word Soup says:

    Hahaha….so very funny! We look at the outward; God sees the heart 😏

    Liked by 1 person

  16. It reveals our limited being of not knowing what God knows and wanted them to be his servants; to the Sovereign God.

    Liked by 1 person

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