Experts warn psychopaths may try to give your kids candy corn on Halloween

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—As many people in the nation prepare to celebrate Halloween, experts are cautioning the nation that some psychopaths may be handing out candy corn along with actual candy this year.

A report issued by government officials stated that many disturbed individuals may try to slip candy corn into your children’s candy bags.

“It appears many mentally ill people are planning on putting small bags of candy corn in with the actual candy,” said a CDC official. “Remember to check your kids’ bags before they accidentally chew on the wax-flavored globs of disgustingness.”

Warning signs that your kids may have inadvertently ingested candy corn include a look of revulsion on their faces, sudden vomiting, and yelling, “Hey, why does this candy taste like I’m chewing on a crayon?”

“Know the warning signs and educate your kids,” the CDC official added. “If they see a stranger handing out candy corn, remind them to run away and alert a law enforcement official.”

At publishing time, CDC officials had also warned parents to look out for flavorless Circus Peanuts.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 29th, 2018 at 8:17 am and is filed under Babylon Bee. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

20 Responses to Experts warn psychopaths may try to give your kids candy corn on Halloween

  1. Adrienne says:
    October 29, 2018 at 8:53 am

    Now that is funny!! How about those ugly disgusting orange circus peanut thingys? Ugh!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says:
    October 29, 2018 at 9:16 am

    I knew it! I knew my grandmother was a psychopath!!!

    My cousin, an actual licensed therapist, told me awhile back that he believes our granny had hystrionic personality disorder. But I told him No Way, she was a full blown psychopath. And this proves it!

    Several eons ago, when I was three years old and dinosaurs roamed the earth, my granny found my typical three year old nature to be a bit nerve-wracking. She told me one day that if I could be very quiet and very still for one whole hour, she would reward me with candy at the end of the hour.

    With visions of chocolate drops dancing in my head, I was perfectly quiet and absolutely still for what seemed like forever. Then my granny rewarded me for being so uncharacteristically perfect — with “wax-flavored globs of disgustingness” — the hideous Candy Corn!

    I knew better than to ever fall for my diabolical granny’s false promises after that.

    Yesterday my husband and I had our two year old great grandson with us in church. Clearly the child has ADHD of the worst kind. I need to buy some Candy Corn, the next time I’m in town…

    Liked by 3 people

  3. bobcabkings says:
    October 29, 2018 at 10:04 am

    With apology to Joseph Conrad; “The horror, the horror!”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. atimetoshare.me says:
    October 29, 2018 at 10:24 am

    I actually like that stuff – especially when it’s the only thing in the candy dish and I’m craving something sweet ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Tricia says:
    October 29, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    I love me some candy corn, seriously yum!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yvonne says:
    October 29, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Thank whoever, we don’t have that in the great brown land Down Under.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. patriciaruthsusan says:
    October 30, 2018 at 12:33 am

    I didn’t realize anyone was licensed to pass out candy that wasn’t hermetically sealed with a government stamp of approval. Where is the Department of Homeland Security when you need them? 😦 — Suzanne

    Liked by 3 people

  8. 🎃 Halloweens Past – Other People's Stuff says:
    October 31, 2018 at 9:14 am

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  9. Halloween 2018 – Other People's Videos says:
    October 31, 2018 at 9:38 am

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