From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—In a move to lower educational standards even further, the College Board announced Wednesday the organization would be eliminating the scoring system from the SAT exams and replacing any kind of objective scoring with the awarding of participation trophies.
Students taking the test will no longer receive a traditional numerical score and will instead receive a trophy indicating they participated in the exam.
“Upon completion of the exam, whether they answered any questions correctly or not, students will get a gold ‘You Tried!’ sticker and a trophy,” said a College Board representative. “We can’t guarantee this will help prepare your kids for a future career, but it definitely will help them feel good about themselves.”
“That’s what education’s all about, after all,” he added.
Test proctors will roam the room and pat kids on the back throughout the exam, saying things like, “Great job answering ‘C’ on every question there, sport!” and “That’s an amazing drawing of an X-Wing you made all over the page. You’re a special kid, Johnny!”
At publishing time, sources had also confirmed students who take the SAT will be given a juice box and some orange slices.