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This entry was posted on Monday, June 10th, 2019 at 8:27 am and is filed under circus of life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
Monday chuckles
bluebird of bitterness
The opinions expressed are those of the author. You go get your own opinions.
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Home sweet home
Bob's sister Hannah
Bob's sister Ada
Bob's brother Otto
Bob's sister Eve
Bob's sister Nan
A baby picture of Bob and his siblings (clockwise from upper left: Otto, Eve, Hannah, Ada, Bob, and Nan)
Bob's childhood home
Bob's mom and dad
Bob in his youth
Bob's cousin Alphonse
Bob's Uncle Ralph and Aunt Edna
Bob's cousin Archibald
Bob's stepbrother Herbie (who really needs to quit smoking)
Bob's cousin Chester
Bob's Great Uncle Norbert and Great Aunt Phyllis
Bob's cousin Saffron (who will do anything for a drink)
Bob's cousin Thorndike
Bob's brother-in-law Vinnie
Bob's cousin Orville, who loves the Green Bay Packers
Bob's nieces Lulu and Bitsy, the biker chicks
Bob's stepsister Eloise, with the twins, Rudy and Trudy
Bob's Uncle Henry and Aunt Rowena
Bob's niece Esmerelda (who likes to live dangerously)
Bob's Great Uncle Arthur up in Saskatchewan
Bob's cousin Louie, the grackle of grumpiness
Miss Screech, Bob's journalism teacher
Bob's nephew Winthrop, who loves sports
Bob's Uncle Seymour and Aunt Bernice
Bob's second cousin Schlomo in Brooklyn
Bob's nephew Baxter
Bob's cousin Darrell
Nigel, Bob's pen pal in New Zealand
Bob's sister-in-law Delphine, who volunteers at the animal shelter
Percy the Pickpocket, Bob's third cousin once removed (the relative no one likes to talk about... every family has one)
The Bluebird of Happiness™ (no relation to Bob)
A pair of boobies (also no relation to Bob, but included for readers who desire titillation)
A pair of tits (in case the boobies were insufficiently titillating)
Bluebird Bitter™, the beer they named for Bob
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🤓
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These were good. It took me a little while to figure out the business about the sandwich ingredients. That concerns me. 😀 — Suzanne
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I had to read that one twice before it made sense. 🙂
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Me, too; LOL!
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Ahh, but the 2 ‘T’s on “LETT” was the instant giveaway. …sigh. Once an English major, always an English major.
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That struck me, too, but I kept thinking maybe whoever wrote it was just not a native English speaker.
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Truth. Also, once a proofreader, always a proofreader. 🙂
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Yes! One of my weirder jobs was proofreading the contract for the palace of the King of Saudi Arabia. I swear I am not making this up. Pages and pages of mind numbing details and legalese, this contract was the size of an encyclopedia. How many nails per how many inches, what specific type of nails, etc etc. I had to make sure there were no missing or misplaced commas, no misspelled words. This was 1977, before spellcheck. Fun!
I hope the King has enjoyed his palace.
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I hope you’re including the story in your memoir. 🙂
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Well, I wasn’t planning on it. While that was definitely a weird job, my private life has been much weirder.
I was working for a temporary agency in the booming post oil embargo economy in Houston, Texas. When you applied to this particular agency, you were given a lengthy aptitude test to see what areas you excelled in. I scored particularly high in English grammar and spelling, probably because I have been an avid reader since the second grade.
The company that had been hired to build the Saudi Arabian King’s palace called the agency and said they needed a couple of proof readers. So the agency sent me and one other grammar whiz over. We sat together at a table in a private room, each of us with identical stacks of papers that were bound together in files. Each file was a separate “chapter” of the one contract. We took turns reading aloud while the other read silently on the same page. We didn’t find many errors, but we found some.
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Eek. My comment looks weird. 😂
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That “Village Idiot” one is a riot!
(In my hometown, the candidates fight for the honor!)
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I had to go back to the “must lett tom” one again and again, but when I got it, it was hilarious! Love the village idiot one, too 🙂 Thanks, as always, for the smiles!
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog.
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Thanks Chris. 😀
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I see the sarnie contains a zo-zo set on edge.
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What, pray, is a “zo-zo”?
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A “NO-NO” for speeding, for a teen turned loose with Papa’s vehicle. Calligraphy comes in handy, sometimes.
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Thank you for explaining that–I had no idea!
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…..never dreamed my Art & English majors @ UW/Superior would be so handy in unexpected ways. : )
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I love my readers — I learn so many things from them.
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A turnip for the books? No, you will see if you turn it 90 degrees from right to left (stand it up) and read it from top to bottom!
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Thank You.
I do see it on the dash instruments, but you said “sarnie,” so I kept looking at the wrap!
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That is what I was alluding to, actually. It has ‘onion’ in it
O
N
I
O
N
Or zo-zo or no-no!
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Oh, LORD!
(As the man said, “Thick As A Brick”!)
That IS funny! Thanks for the idiot-proof explanation 🙂
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Don’t worry; I made up/coined this for one of my novels, and I think only the tiniest proportion of readers ‘got it’. Probably less than registered my ‘Wizard Leafings’, who constantly fiddles with wizardly things.
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“Wizard Leafings”? Now I wanna know even more (if you wish to tell).
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That is my ‘Baa Baa Black Belt’. You can look it up on Amazon, if you like. Another character is Wizard Prang, who speaks in WW2 RAF jargon and has an albatross as an alter ego.
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LOVE the alter-ego albatross!
(Some of us have physical, if metaphorical, albatrosses with which / whom to deal. Not sure which is worse!)
Your book sounds charming!
“For children aged 6 – 106”
🙂
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The village could adopt Smokin’ Joe Biden. No one else seems to want him now. And, very good parental guide!
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The sandwich one took me a few minutes to get.
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Me too. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Its good to be crazy Sometimes and commented:
These made me laugh
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😀 😀 😀
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🙂
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[…] Monday Chuckles | Bluebird of Bitterness […]
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Thank you for the link. 🙂
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Omg! This is worthy of a reblog on Monday of next week! xox
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[…] via Monday chuckles […]
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Thank you for the link. 🙂
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