Regular VBS volunteers enjoy most peaceful summer in years

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Regular VBS volunteers across the country are enjoying their most peaceful summer in years, sources confirmed Friday.

The people who usually volunteer at their church’s VBS for some reason thanked the Lord for even a single year of respite. Not having to make fifty gallons of punch a day, prepare hundreds of little cups of Goldfish crackers, and make their fingers bleed by helping kids glue together macaroni Jesuses for a week, they instead are spending their time resting, relaxing, and thanking God for His grace.

“While the pandemic is definitely bad, the silver lining is we don’t have to endure a week of mind-searing insanity,” said Sarah Pateo of Albuquerque. “I am well-rested. I haven’t had a mental breakdown while trying to create a pipe-cleaner Jonah. And I don’t have those infernal songs stuck inside my head.”

“So I’m NOT saying that the pandemic is good — but I am saying God works in mysterious ways,” she concluded as she relaxed with a book and an ice-cold lemonade that may or may not have had vodka in it.

At publishing time, the nation’s regular VBS volunteers had admitted that “it’s kinda crazy, but I actually do miss it a little bit.”

10 Responses to Regular VBS volunteers enjoy most peaceful summer in years

  1. says:

    Thought I’d make sure you realize that the Babylon Bee is satire.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. egorr says:

    Know what’s funny about this? I’m 700 miles away from my home for the summer at a Church camp – but all Church camps are closed and now they tell us that they will not reopen until next year!

    Well, it’s mighty quiet here in Maple Rise campground, but we do have turkeys, pheasant, an occasional moose, some deer, and even owls and owlets. But no campers.

    Nevertheless, the grass and weeds need to be kept under control, the camp sites still need undergrowth cleaned out, and we need to keep the local idiots from hunting on-property. We had no water source for the first month until I convinced my wife we could get water from an uphill surface water natural spring – less than $100 in parts later we can flush and take showers now! I’m an Engineer, not an idiot. Electricity is not a problem, and no campsite fees, either.

    I’ve done a heckluva lot of weedeater work, and Early Park lent me their third 52″ zero-turn mower to me to keep the roadside (and campsites) mowed down, but you can’t take that up and down trails…

    We will be done at the end of August. No camp songs to be earworms for ME!! ;P

    (My Church Service Mission is for two years, I’ll be back next year!)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That piece was hilarious, the whole thing is worth a read!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. As a one-time church volunteer, I thoroughly understand. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 3 people

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