From The Onion.
BOSTON—Assuring Red Sox Nation that the cutout would make a full recovery, General Manager Brian O’Halloran told reporters Friday that a cardboard fan was in stable condition after being hit by a foul ball.
“We were all horrified by the accident, but thankfully the fan will come away from this incident with just a few dents and crumples,” said O’Halloran, who commended paramedics for rushing to the scene and taping the cutout’s head back on before it was too late.
“The safety of our fans is our top priority. We’re lucky that the cardboard man is okay after that close call. Rest assured, we’re giving him season tickets for life.”
In a related report, a Nationals–Orioles game was suspended after a cardboard fan succumbed to a thunderstorm.