High school adds cardboard students to maintain normal feeling of oversized classes

From The Onion.

SAVANNAH, GA—Emphasizing that the cutouts would create the illusion that learning facilities were just as cramped as the year before, representatives from Savannah High School confirmed Friday that cardboard students had been added between distanced desks to maintain a normal feeling of oversized classes.

“Although Covid-19 has brought many challenges to reopening our schools, these cardboard figures will help not just students but also teachers feel just as flustered and overextended as usual,” said school principal Dr. Jeremy Lester, adding that numerous pupil printouts would be placed throughout the school’s classrooms, halls, and bathrooms, which students would then compete with for textbooks, school supplies, and locker space.

“While this year will certainly be an adjustment for everyone, these 1,500 custom-designed stand-ins will make it just as difficult for students to fight for attention from their principal, coaches, and support staff. As such, each classroom’s budget has been severely limited to account for the printing and lamination for each new paper student.”

At press time, the Lester told reporters that the early success of the program had inspired him to replace several teachers with cardboard cutouts.

22 Responses to High school adds cardboard students to maintain normal feeling of oversized classes

  1. The Onion. Always a good news source. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like your quote of the day: ‘One of the problems with being a pessimist is that you can never celebrate when you are proven right.’ I ran into that very thing, a couple of days ago. My husband wanted to do deal that he was all gungho about. I wished him luck, but told him I did not think it would work. Unfortunately, I was right.

    Years ago, I came up with an ‘I Told You So!’ song and dance routine. But, because we were both losing out on the failed deal, I couldn’t very well start dancing all around the room, singing “I…. TOLD you so, I TOLD you so, oh don’t you know, I TOLD you so. I TOLD you so, I TOLD you so, I hope you know…. I…… TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!” 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. msjadeli says:

    You almost had me on this one until I saw it came from The Onion. Cardboard cutouts may be all that’s left by the time this is over…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. […] via High school adds cardboard students to maintain normal feeling of oversized classes — bluebird of … […]

    Liked by 1 person

  5. rugby843 says:

    I wonder how much all that silliness cost when teachers can’t afford to live

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sue Cass says:

    What a waste of tax payer $$$$. Use the $ to give the teachers a raise.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. John Kraft says:

    Cutouts are big in Major League Baseball this year. My San Francisco Giants have about 15 thousand cutout fans in the seats at Oracle Park.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Eliza Ayres says:

    Reblogged this on Blue Dragon Journal and commented:
    Surrealism at its “best”!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I guess that would work unless groups are formed for activities. Cardboard students aren’t known for their active involvement in student government. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dawn Marie says:

    Okay, okay, you got me! May I borrow this for my monday giggle? It’s too good to not share, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Jennie says:

    The cardboard cutouts are popular in MLB, to the point that if one is hit by a ball, the crew rushes out, etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. The Hinoeuma says:

    I realize that this came from The Onion, which is much like the Babylon Bee. That being said, cardboard fans are being used, so…The Onion might be telling the truth for once.

    Speaking of The Onion, have you ever seen this:

    Liked by 1 person

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