‘I was getting groceries,’ lies girlfriend covering up fourth craft store visit this week

From The Onion.

EUGENE, OR—Leaving her bags of fabric and buttons in the trunk of her car until later to avoid raising suspicion, local hobbyist Karen Berger lied outright to her boyfriend Wednesday by telling him she had been getting groceries in order to cover up her fourth visit to the craft store this week.

“Sorry I was gone for so long, but there was a lot of traffic on the way back from the supermarket, which is where I was,” said the profusely sweating Berger, hoping that her nervous perspiration would cover the distinctive lingering odor of découpage glue as she haltingly explained that she hadn’t brought back anything to eat because she hadn’t seen anything that looked good.

“How should I know why we’re getting all these Michael’s coupons in the mail? Do you have something you’d like to say to me? Jesus, I try to go out and get something for us to eat, and all of a sudden I’m being interrogated.”

Berger later told her boyfriend that she had “no idea” how nine skeins of multicolored yarn came to be packed in airtight plastic bags and hidden in their toilet tank.

13 Responses to ‘I was getting groceries,’ lies girlfriend covering up fourth craft store visit this week

  1. John Kraft says:

    There should be a 12 Step program for such folks. “Knit-Anon.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Widdershins says:

    The story doesn’t mention the 17 bags of assorted nails and screws, a jig-saw, 15 assorted battery-operated power tools, 1 hammer, a laser stud-finder, and an entire forest of timber in a storage container buried in the back yard when the boyfriend hired a backhoe to dig out a hole for the ‘swimming pool’ that they ‘ran out of money’ to finish, so the hole was filled in again.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Eliza Ayres says:

    Reblogged this on Blue Dragon Journal and commented:
    Yarn hoarder!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lbeth1950 says:

    Maybe she should have told him she was with another man

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Yvonne says:

    I ❤ The Onion, which always gives us the real news. I also ❤ you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 9 skeins? Nope, I’m definitely a yarn hoarder. I went a little nuts at the last two yarn sales they had at the craft store. I now have a 106 quart sterilite storage bin that is crammed with different colors and patterns of yarn. The good thing if I get the impulse to make more coasters or tissue box covers, or make a scarf, I’ve got plenty of tools and colors.

    The bad thing is I’ll have to do a little every day til i’m probably 80 before I’d run out of that yarn.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Since I’m retired and naturally reclusive, the economic shutdown didn’t affect me nearly as much as it did many people, but I’ll tell you, when Hobby Lobby locked its doors and I couldn’t get yarn, that was when I was afraid I might snap.

      Liked by 1 person

      • luckily for me, Michaels was right down the street. I got the two colors I really needed to finish my “rainbow” collection of Kleenex boxes (and patiently waited outside while others were coming out of the store–during that whole only so-and-so many people can be in the store days).

        Liked by 1 person

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