Housekeeping tips

❧ Layers of dirt on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful rays from the sun. Consider it an SPF and leave it alone.

❧ Cobwebs draped over lampshades reduce glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband suggests that the light fixtures need dusting, say, “What? And spoil the mood?”

❧ Explain the mounds of pet hair by saying you are collecting it to use for stuffing hand-sewn toys for underprivileged children.

❧ If company is coming, shove everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your house, say, “I’d show you the den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are so expensive.”

❧ If dust is really out of control, place a fancy urn on the coffee table and say, “This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes.”

❧ Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with three cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Throw yourself on the couch and sigh, “I clean and I clean, and I still don’t get anywhere.”

❧ Always keep several get-well cards on the mantelpiece. If unexpected guests arrive, say you’ve been sick and unable to clean.

24 Responses to Housekeeping tips

  1. morgueticiaatoms says:

    LOVE this. Peronally, my housekeeping style can be summed up to “yes, yes, there was a crime scene here.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. floridaborne says:

    Love these!

    I’ll have to share. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. floridaborne says:

    Reblogged this on Two on a Rant and commented:
    Why clean your house? It’s just going to get dirty again.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Cathy Cade says:

    Whenever I comment on the dust my present husband says I should take my glasses off.
    I think I’ll keep this one.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Ah, ha, ha. I’m wondering why I didn’t think of these excuses. I need to think harder in the future. It could save a lot of work. I love the idea of having a fictitious Fluffy. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    Courtesy of BlueBird 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Fran Hunne says:

    Dirty windows are good for birds, as they tend not to flay against the panes.But I can assure you, Things can get worse after four years of not dusting … the Spiders are harder to spot and then suddenly your whole appartment is one big web.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. bamauthor says:

    There is an excuse for everything!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Rebecca Douglass says:

    Sharing the wisdom of the elders: Mom always said that a tidy house is a sign of a mis-spent life.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. GOOD ONES! 🙂 Thanks for the smiles… Have a wonderful week! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m re-blogging this – it is so me.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Reblogged this on lucinda E Clarke and commented:
    This is sooo me. great advice. (Do check out Bob’s relatives while you’re here).

    Liked by 1 person

  13. The Hinoeuma says:

    Excellent suggestions. I’m a big fan of cat hair on the lamps for mood setting.

    Our windows have a second layer of nicotine to make sure the dirt stays firmly in place.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Wonderful advices, i totally agree with. :-))

    Liked by 1 person

  15. CarolCooks2 says:

    Love it!…Thank you for making me smile 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. joylennick says:

    I enjoyed that! A philosopher once said:. “Show me an over-clean house and I’ll show you a bored housewife with no hobbies…” Anon

    Liked by 1 person

  17. julesmomcat says:

    All these fit into my agenda of perfecting my procrastination, and extending my list of “To Do” projects. Thanks for the tips!

    Liked by 1 person

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