Holiday fruitcake recipe

An oldie but goodie.

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1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup mixed nuts
1 gallon whiskey

1. Put the butter and sugar in a large bowl.

2. Check the whiskey to make sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.

3. Turn on the mixer. 

4. Beat the butter and sugar.

5. Check the whiskey again. Cry another tup. Or two.

6. Turn off the mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl along with the dried fruit.

7. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

8. Sample the whiskey again to check for consisticity.

9. Sift the salt. Or something. Who cares.

10. Repeat Step 8.

11. Sift the lemon juice. Strain the nuts. Add a tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever.

12. Grease the oven.

13. Set the cake pan to 350º.

14. Beat off the turner.

15. Throw the bowl out the window and finish off what’s left of the whiskey.

13 Responses to Holiday fruitcake recipe

  1. L.K. Latham says:

    That’s my recipe! Where did you find it? hahahahaha

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Vera funneh. *hic!*

    I suspect it derived from the classic “Twelve Bottles” sketch by Henry Morgan.
    Starts at ~3:57.
    youtube.com/watch?v=zwHnkgKWL7w

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Salvageable says:

    Thanks. I will try this recipe tonight. And tomorrow night. And Wednesday afternoon. And Friday morning… J.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Lisa Beth says:

    Haha! No wonder fruitcake is so popular! 😄

    Liked by 2 people

  5. No thanks. I am allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs. 😉

    Just kidding. I stole that joke from a friend. However, she was serious. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. V.M.Sang says:

    So funny! Reblogged on Dragons Rule OK.

    Liked by 1 person

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