Holiday fruitcake recipe

An oldie but goodie.

❧ ❧ ❧

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup mixed nuts
1 gallon whiskey

1. Put the butter and sugar in a large bowl.

2. Check the whiskey to make sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.

3. Turn on the mixer. 

4. Beat the butter and sugar.

5. Check the whiskey again. Cry another tup. Or two.

6. Turn off the mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl along with the dried fruit.

7. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

8. Sample the whiskey again to check for consisticity.

9. Sift the salt. Or something. Who cares.

10. Repeat Step 8.

11. Sift the lemon juice. Strain the nuts. Add a tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever.

12. Grease the oven.

13. Set the cake pan to 350º.

14. Beat off the turner.

15. Throw the bowl out the window and finish off what’s left of the whiskey.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 6th, 2021 at 11:55 am and is filed under circus of life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

13 Responses to Holiday fruitcake recipe

  1. Melanie B Cee says:
    December 6, 2021 at 12:49 pm

    😅

    Liked by 2 people

  2. L.K. Latham says:
    December 6, 2021 at 1:25 pm

    That’s my recipe! Where did you find it? hahahahaha

    Liked by 3 people

  3. mindful webworker says:
    December 6, 2021 at 1:47 pm

    Vera funneh. *hic!*

    I suspect it derived from the classic “Twelve Bottles” sketch by Henry Morgan.
    Starts at ~3:57.
    youtube.com/watch?v=zwHnkgKWL7w

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Salvageable says:
    December 6, 2021 at 3:01 pm

    Thanks. I will try this recipe tonight. And tomorrow night. And Wednesday afternoon. And Friday morning… J.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Mark Schultz says:
    December 6, 2021 at 4:05 pm

    Reblogged this on wordrefiner.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Peter's pondering says:
    December 6, 2021 at 4:28 pm

    Works every time!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lisa Beth says:
    December 6, 2021 at 7:42 pm

    Haha! No wonder fruitcake is so popular! 😄

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Linda Lee/Lady Quixote says:
    December 7, 2021 at 1:11 am

    No thanks. I am allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs. 😉

    Just kidding. I stole that joke from a friend. However, she was serious. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. V.M.Sang says:
    December 7, 2021 at 7:46 am

    So funny! Reblogged on Dragons Rule OK.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Holiday fruitcake recipe | Dragons Rule OK. V.M.Sang (author) says:
    December 8, 2021 at 8:07 am

    […] continue reading here […]

    Liked by 1 person

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