Homeowner frantically makes figgy pudding to get rid of carolers (updated)

From The Babylon Bee.

BURLINGTON, VT—According to sources, local homeowner Candy McSally is desperately trying to make a batch of figgy pudding so a gang of obnoxious carolers will leave her alone.

Neighbors say that as of 1 am, the carolers are on their 427th round of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” and have promised to stay in place until they get some figgy pudding.

“What the heck is figgy pudding anyway?” said McSally as she frantically searched through a stack of cookbooks hoping to find a recipe. “Why won’t they leave until they get some? Who wrote that infernal song? Why are carolers even a thing? Somebody help me!” 

Historians say that figgy pudding is a 14th-century British dish, which would explain why it’s gross and lame and nobody likes it. After searching on Google, McSally finally found a recipe.

“Mutton? Where in the world am I going to find mutton? Why is it mixed with raisins? What kind of psycho would eat this crap?” she cried. 

After realizing she didn’t have any of the ingredients, she decided to go shopping in town. Sources say the carolers are now on their 2,700th round of the Christmas carol and two have been rushed to the hospital due to hypothermia, or perhaps due to lack of figgy pudding. 

UPDATE: For anyone who doesn’t get the cultural reference, this will explain it.

18 Responses to Homeowner frantically makes figgy pudding to get rid of carolers (updated)

  1. 😂 That poor woman.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. jenny_o says:

    LOL!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Poor carolers; they must be hoarse by now. lol

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Oh, thanks, Bluebird. Now I’ve got the lyrics stuck in my head.

    Now bring us some figgy pudding
    Now bring us some figgy pudding
    Now bring us some figgy pudding
    Now bring some out here

    We won’t go until we get some
    We won’t go until we get some
    We won’t go until we get some
    So bring it right here…. \@@/

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Nat says:

    That poor person! Why would they even do that?!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. LOL! Very funny. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hahahaha. That’s an idea for something I will learn how to cook. Imagine the look on their faces if they actually got some!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Like most residents of the U.S., I have never had figgy pudding, but one Christmas many years ago some women I knew took it into their heads to make a traditional English plum pudding for a community function, and it was really rather good. However, the amount of work that goes into making it is insane, so I would never dream of doing it myself. I can make a pan of chocolate brownies in a tiny fraction of the time it takes to make a plum pudding, and the brownies are just as good. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

%d bloggers like this: