Historians discover Israelite children refused to eat manna unless mom cut the crust off

From The Babylon Bee.

JERUSALEM—Historians have discovered new evidence that when God provided miraculous bread to feed the Israelites in the wilderness after their exodus from Egypt, Israelite children refused to eat the manna until their moms had carefully removed the crust.

“After poring over a trove of newly found scrolls, it seems the ancient Israelite children were every bit as whiny as their parents,” said Old Testament scholar Nikolai Popov. “These new documents show children frequently complained about leaving slavery in Egypt, saying ‘at least in Egypt we had ham and cheese Lunchables!’ They also demanded their moms cut the manna into fun shapes like ‘Mount Horeb’ or ‘Pillar of Fire’.”

The children also were reportedly unimpressed with miraculous quail, instead begging every night for hot dogs and macaroni. Parents did eventually take their concerns to Moses, who looked up to the sky and said, “Just kill me now, O Lord.” So, the hot dog matter was dropped.

As the Israelites approached the land of Canaan, parents began to entice their kids to eat dinner with the promise of a new land filled with dessert. However, the children were unmoved by mere honey, vowing to hold out for a land of “chocolate frosted sugar bombs.”

10 Responses to Historians discover Israelite children refused to eat manna unless mom cut the crust off

  1. I guess kids were the same back then as today. Thanks for the laugh. I needed that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. jenny_o says:

    LOL! I needed that today, BoB. Thank you!

    Still chuckling over “chocolate frosted sugar bombs” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dyanna says:

    Thanks for the laugh really needed it

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Just kill me now” — so Moses! 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Corrie.S.P. says:

    The Israelites sure did whine a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m wondering if one of those kids wanting chocolate frosted sugar bombs is named Calvin…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. egorr says:

    Not to be a spelling Nazi, but… it’s “Canaan”.

    Otherwise, funny!

    Like

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