Jack locked up his bar, headed home, and went to bed. He’d been asleep a few minutes when the telephone rang.
“What time do you open in the morning?” asked an obviously intoxicated man.
Jack hung up the phone and went back to sleep. A minute later the same guy called again.
“You might as well give up,” said Jack. “There’s no way I’m letting you into my bar.”
“I don’t want to get in,” said the caller. “I want to get out!”
❧ ❧ ❧ ❧ ❧
A salesman dropped in on a business customer. No one was in the office except a dog, who was busy sweeping the floor. The salesman stared at the animal in astonishment.
“Don’t look so surprised,” said the dog. “This is just part of my job.”
“Incredible!” said the salesman. “A dog that can talk!”
“Whatever you do, don’t tell my boss,” said the dog. “If he finds out I can talk, he’ll have me answering the phones!”
❧ ❧ ❧ ❧ ❧
A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, asked a senior partner whether he should send the judge a box of cigars.
“The judge is an honorable man,” said the senior partner. “If you do, you’ll lose.”
The judge eventually ruled in favor of the young lawyer’s client.
“Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” asked the senior partner.
“I did send them,” said the young lawyer. “I just enclosed the opposition’s business card.”