A man took his dog to a talent agency and told the agent that the dog could talk. The agent looked skeptical.
“No, really,” said the man. “Watch this. What’s on the top of a house?”
“Roof!” said the dog.
The agent was unimpressed.
“Okay, watch this,” said the man. “How does sandpaper feel?”
“Rough!” said the dog.
The agent was quickly losing patience.
“No, hang on,” said the man. “This one will knock your socks off. Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!” said the dog.
The agent booted them both out of his office onto the street.
As the man and his dog sat on the curb dejectedly, the dog turned to his owner and said, “You think I should’ve said DiMaggio?”
bluebird of bitterness 
About twenty years ago, I walked into an antiques store in Pennsylvania to do some shopping. The store’s proprietor, an older woman, was the only person in the store. Her dog, a small mixed breed, was lying on the floor at her feet.
After browsing through the shop, I found something to purchase and carried it to the counter. As the woman rang up my purchase, I complimented her on her well-behaved dog.
“He can talk,” she told me. And then she gave a demonstration. “I love you,” she said to the pooch. “I wuv uuu” replied the dog. “Do you want to go home?” asked the woman. “I wan go oooom,” replied the dog. “Do you want something to eat?” asked the woman. “I wan eeeee” said the dog.
I feel very certain that there was no ventriloquism involved, as it was with great effort and extensive throat and facial gyrations that this animal spoke these sentences. At the end of the demonstration, the woman looked at me with a horrified expression on her face. “Oh no… I don’t know what I was thinking. I have never let anyone else in on this secret. Please, don’t tell anybody about my dog! I am afraid that if word gets out, he will be kidnapped.”
I promised to keep her secret, and I did. But wow. Bow Wow!
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[…] It’s a dog’s life — bluebird of bitterness […]
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Thank you for the link. 🙂
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So many enjoyable posts on your site but this is my favorite today.
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That’s hilarious.
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