Once upon a time there was an Italian,
And some people thought he was a rapscallion,
But he wasn’t offended,
Because other people thought he was splendid,
And he said the world was round,
And everybody made an uncomplimentary sound,
But he went and tried to borrow some money from Ferdinand
But Ferdinand said America was a bird in the bush and he’d rather have a berdinand,
But Columbus’ brain was fertile, it wasn’t arid,
And he remembered that Ferdinand was married,
And he thought, there is no wife like a misunderstood one,
Because if her husband thinks something is a terrible idea she is bound to think it a good one,
So he perfumed his handkerchief with bay rum and citronella,
And he went to see Isabella,
And he looked wonderful but he had never felt sillier,
And she said, I can’t place the face but the aroma is familiar,
And Columbus didn’t say a word,
All he said was, I am Columbus, the fifteenth-century Admiral Byrd,
And, just as he thought, her disposition was very malleable,
And she said, Here are my jewels, and she wasn’t penurious like Cornelia the mother of the Gracchi, she wasn’t referring to her children, no, she was referring to her jewels, which were very very valuable,
So Columbus said, Somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it,
And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it,
And the fetters gave him welts,
And they named America after somebody else,
So the sad fate of Columbus ought to be pointed out to every child and every voter,
Because it has a very important moral, which is, Don’t be a discoverer, be a promoter.
–Ogden Nash (1902-1971)
bluebird of bitterness 
He didn’t discover America.
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Who do you think did?
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Leif Erikson was one of the first non indigenous people to set foot on the new world. Columbus discovered South American when he was trying to find a westerly trade route to the Indies.
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I tend to like Gavin Menzies’ idea that the Chinese discovered it.
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Yes, the Norse arrived about half a century earlier than Columbus at N.America and started the first known settlement, so why not an Erikson Day?
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Leif Erikson Day was named an official holiday on October 9 in the year 1964.
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Wow, Katherine, you sound just like a homeschool mom! Oh, wait… 🙂
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On the Pacific side, probably China and on the Atlantic side, the Vikings.
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I like that idea. Only God knows though.
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We do know that Columbus hit the Caribbean, and only did that by accident, thanks to a storm.
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You may find this interesting.
https://the-past.com/news/vikings-in-canada/
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Thanks for sharing! That’s pretty neat.
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Haha
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Ogden Nash is one of my all-time favorites. You made me think about this song by Allan Sherman, America’s a Nice Italian Name:
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We had that LP when I was a kid! I wonder what ever happened to it…
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I love Ogden Nash 💙
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One of my favorites. 🙂
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All the way through the reading of this poem I thought, “Wow, that B.O.B. is one talented poet!” And then I learn at the end that Ogden Nash wrote it. Which means, since I’m quite sure you’re clever enough to have written this poem, I therefore anticipate such an effort in an upcoming post! (It doesn’t have to be as long!) 😁
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Oh, you flatter me. I’m no Ogden Nash — in fact, I’m not a poet at all. Well, except maybe once in a blue moon. If you’d like to see the last poem I wrote, click here and scroll to the bottom of the post. 🙂
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. . . “for the soul of wit is brevity.” Indeed! And you’ve proved my point: you CAN write poetry! But no pressure–just when inspiration strikes!
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Check the date on that post and you’ll see how frequently I get inspired to write poetry. 🙂
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Haha we just finished Leif Erikson and Columbus/Early Exploration in our History book with my 4th grader. 😂
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I learned more about history while home schooling my kids than I’d learned in the sixteen years I spent in school.
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One thing that irks me is how Columbus is some sort of villian. Anyone who read up on him knows he was arrested for charges of being a traitor for daring to fight slavers. when he was dragged to the king’s court, he had representatives of the Vatican backing him.
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