See how many of these babies of the Bible you can identify.
1. I was the first baby ever born, and if you want my opinion, my parents should have quit while they were ahead. Instead they went and had that irritating little brother of mine. The two of us invented sibling rivalry.
2. God had promised my old man a son, but He was taking his sweet time getting around to keeping His promise. Pop was getting impatient, so he had an affair with his wife’s servant. The result was me.
3. My mama was ninety years old and my daddy was a hundred when I was born. Imagine giving birth in the geriatric ward and sending the bill to Medicare! Is it any wonder that my name means “laughter”?
4. My brother and I were twins, but not the identical kind. He got the brawn and I got the brains. Together we raised the art of sibling rivalry to new heights.
5. I was the only girl in a very large family. You wouldn’t believe all the trouble my twelve brothers caused — especially that little spoiled brat who was Papa’s favorite.
6. At the time I was born, it was against the law for people like my parents to have baby boys, so they had to throw me in the river. Good thing Mom remembered to put me in a basket first!
7. One of my father’s wives had lots of kids, and the other wife didn’t have any. One day in desperation she went to the temple and prayed for a baby. God must have been listening, because nine months later I was born.
8. Even though the pregnancy test was positive, my old man didn’t believe it because he thought he and Mom were too old for that kind of stuff. Because he didn’t believe, he lost his voice and couldn’t speak until after I was born. Mom says it was the most peaceful nine months of her life.
9. I’m not saying you should never invite a Persian astrologer to a baby shower, but if you do, be prepared to receive some rather unusual gifts. Take it from someone who knows.
ANSWERS: 1. Cain; 2. Ishmael; 3. Isaac; 4. Jacob; 5. Dinah; 6. Moses; 7. Samuel; 8. John the Baptist; 9. Jesus