Back pew voted best spot in church fifty-eighth year running

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The back pew at church was voted the best seat in the house among churchgoers for the 58th year running, sources at LifeWay Research confirmed Tuesday.

Regular church attendees were polled on their preferences for a place to sit during a service, with options ranging from the various pews in the sanctuary and the overflow room to the comfort of one’s own home while watching an online broadcast.

Over 92% of those polled stated that sitting in the very back pew is the perfect spot: far enough away that the pastor can’t effectively gaze into your soul, but close enough that you feel good about yourself for showing up unlike those heathens who are playing hooky.

“Respondents did seem to prefer an aisle seat so they can slip out as soon as the last worship song starts, but were almost unanimous in their enthusiasm over finding a spot in the back,” Scott McConnell, executive director of LifeWay Research said. “Things like being able to covertly check sports scores on one’s smartphone and ‘totally space out’ during a sermon without the pastor knowing were both major factors in the popularity of the pew.”

The front pew was voted the second worst spot in church, according to researchers, just behind those chairs onstage behind the pastor.

21 Responses to Back pew voted best spot in church fifty-eighth year running

  1. Every good Baptist knows, you gotta show up early to get a good seat in the back.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Sue Cass says:

    The last row is the last place I want to sit. I usually choose an aisle seat so I can see around any “giant” that sits in front of me, and the third row on a side section so I can actually see the pastor. These statistics are sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Back pew, on the aisle, was always my Dad’s seat when he wasn’t preaching!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I like an aisle seat because it is easier to ditch to the restroom plus, it feels more open when church is full.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My seat was great, without the threat of ever being stuck behind a big hairdo or uncomfortably close to the pastor. I could arrive late, sneak out early, play games on my phone, read a book or even take a good nap without anyone noticing. I was in the choir loft! 🎶 ⛪️

    Of course, I wouldn’t dream of doing any of those things! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Geo. Raymond says:

    Everyone coming in late tries to fit themselves into the last row no matter how full. I’ll take the wide open spaces of the front pew, anyway

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Always the back pew for my family. Less people can see the kids and grandkids misbehaving.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. egorr says:

    Hey, become a High Priest in the LDS church – you’re expected to sleep throughout Sacrament meeting!

    Ask me how I know…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m a back pew person, only because I like to have everyone else in front of me. I’m on the taller side, so I’m sure that seating choice works for others as well.

    Liked by 2 people

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