From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—The back pew at church was voted the best seat in the house among churchgoers for the 58th year running, sources at LifeWay Research confirmed Tuesday.
Regular church attendees were polled on their preferences for a place to sit during a service, with options ranging from the various pews in the sanctuary and the overflow room to the comfort of one’s own home while watching an online broadcast.
Over 92% of those polled stated that sitting in the very back pew is the perfect spot: far enough away that the pastor can’t effectively gaze into your soul, but close enough that you feel good about yourself for showing up unlike those heathens who are playing hooky.
“Respondents did seem to prefer an aisle seat so they can slip out as soon as the last worship song starts, but were almost unanimous in their enthusiasm over finding a spot in the back,” Scott McConnell, executive director of LifeWay Research said. “Things like being able to covertly check sports scores on one’s smartphone and ‘totally space out’ during a sermon without the pastor knowing were both major factors in the popularity of the pew.”
The front pew was voted the second worst spot in church, according to researchers, just behind those chairs onstage behind the pastor.
bluebird of bitterness 
Every good Baptist knows, you gotta show up early to get a good seat in the back.
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The last row is the last place I want to sit. I usually choose an aisle seat so I can see around any “giant” that sits in front of me, and the third row on a side section so I can actually see the pastor. These statistics are sad.
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My husband always wants to sit in the back row of any auditorium we happen to be in, because he’s so tall that anyone who sits behind him can’t see what’s going on. So I’ve been sitting in back rows for almost 46 years. 🙂
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I wish more tall guys would do that. Thank your husband for me. That’s very considerate of him.
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He’s not as tall as he used to be, but he’s still taller than average, so it is the courteous thing to do. 🙂
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Back pew, on the aisle, was always my Dad’s seat when he wasn’t preaching!
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LOL!
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I like an aisle seat because it is easier to ditch to the restroom plus, it feels more open when church is full.
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I do like aisle seats. I never know when my claustrophobia is going to kick in.
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My seat was great, without the threat of ever being stuck behind a big hairdo or uncomfortably close to the pastor. I could arrive late, sneak out early, play games on my phone, read a book or even take a good nap without anyone noticing. I was in the choir loft! 🎶 ⛪️
Of course, I wouldn’t dream of doing any of those things! 😉
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😀 😀 😀
One Sunday many many moons ago, the organist at our church got so bored during the sermon that she took her bulletin and started making a grocery list in the margin. The organ was situated right behind the lectern, and when the sermon was finally over and the priest returned to the lectern to do the announcements, he suddenly realized he’d misplaced his bulletin, so he turned around to the organist and asked her if he could borrow hers. Oops…
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Hahaha!!! That’s a good one, especially if she had some items of a personal nature on her list!
When you have some time, I think you’d enjoy reading this; it’s really quite hysterical. https://theelephantstrunk.org/2021/10/17/wayside-chapel-my-childhood-memory/
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😀 😀 😀
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Well worth the read! Seconding what BoB said 😀
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Everyone coming in late tries to fit themselves into the last row no matter how full. I’ll take the wide open spaces of the front pew, anyway
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I’ve seen people set up folding chairs in the back rather than take a seat in the front row.
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Always the back pew for my family. Less people can see the kids and grandkids misbehaving.
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Exactly.
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Hey, become a High Priest in the LDS church – you’re expected to sleep throughout Sacrament meeting!
Ask me how I know…
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I’m a back pew person, only because I like to have everyone else in front of me. I’m on the taller side, so I’m sure that seating choice works for others as well.
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I’m sure the shorter folks appreciate it!
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