Children on verge of starvation after dad fails to cut sandwich into little dinosaur shapes

From The Babylon Bee.

LARNED, KS — Two innocent local children have been left on the brink of starvation after their father failed to cut their sandwiches into little dinosaur shapes the way their mother does.

“How does he expect us to eat them this way?” asked 4-year-old Caden Ralston. “There’s no way I’m even touching that sandwich unless it’s in the shape of a triceratops. If my food isn’t shaped like dinosaurs, it’s not getting anywhere near my mouth. This is an outrage.”

The children’s father, Eric, made this rookie mistake after his wife left him at home with the kids for a few hours. In addition to his failure to cut the sandwiches into dinosaur shapes, Eric also completely blundered by slicing the grapes in half longways instead of shortways, instantly making them, according to the children, entirely unfit for consumption.

“How am I supposed to know all of this?” Eric said in exasperation. “Why does their food have to be a specific shape for them to eat it? How does that make sense? It tastes the same! C’mon, man, just eat it!”

At publishing time, further outrage had erupted when Eric reportedly gave Caden six veggie straws while he gave his brothers, Camden and Cannon, only five each.

27 Responses to Children on verge of starvation after dad fails to cut sandwich into little dinosaur shapes

  1. Ha! This is a serious problem. We once lost the princess spoon. Same problem, after about 3 minutes the poor kid was now on the verge of starvation and would likely die.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Cederq says:

    I would say the mother is a loony whack a doodle… that is far surpassed of cutting crusts off of bread.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. V.M.Sang says:

    Well, I remember this. We had a similar thing at bedtime with my daughter.she had a handkerchief with pictures of nursery rhymes in each corner. Every night she would demand it was folded so it showed specific characters. Sometimes it was impossible. Bedtime ructions.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Marlapaige says:

    Hahaha! That’s what I’m missing! Someone cutting my sandwiches into silly shapes!!!

    Liked by 5 people

  5. ibikenyc says:

    “It was so cold this morning that when I turned on the shower, I got hail.”

    My world, and welcome to it!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sue Cass says:

    I hope this is satire otherwise Mom’s already made some snow flakes.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. beth says:

    I need shapes!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I laughed so hard at this… 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. We’re supposed to feed children?????????!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. […] Children on verge of starvation after dad fails to cut sandwich into little dinosaur shapes — blue… […]

    Liked by 1 person

  11. John Holton says:

    It’s like the Peanuts cartoon where Lucy gets Charlie Brown to make her a bread-and-butter sandwich. He’s about to cut it in half and she says “No! Fold it! Otherwise it loses its flavor!”

    Liked by 2 people

  12. This sounds so familiar but funnier than I remember!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Herb says:

    I love the Bee. Where else could you find high quality, in depth journalism like this. Poor abused children.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. LOL! As a grandma, I was amazed to be asked to cut the pb & j sandwich (and/or pb toast) diagonally. I wanted to shout, “Diagonal has ALWAYS been my way!” but was afraid I’d become a story in the Bee. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  15. HAHAHA!! 😂
    Been through this exact scenario more times than I can count. The struggle is very real, my friends.
    Oh, the humanity! 😳 💙

    Liked by 2 people

  16. egorr says:

    It’s come to this.
    I am ashamed.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Widdershins says:

    It appears that I was far too compliant as a child. 🙂 I could’ve been a tryant instead of a ‘you’ll sit there until your plate is empty’, child of WWII rationing survivors.

    Liked by 1 person

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