Senior moments

Jack’s wife, concerned about his declining cognitive health, made an appointment for him with a geriatric specialist. 

Jack asked the doctor how they determine when someone should be put in an old age home.

“We have a simple test we use,” said the doctor. “We fill a bathtub with water, then we offer the person a teaspoon, a drinking glass, and a bucket, and tell them to empty the tub.”

“Oh, I get it,” said Jack. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the teaspoon or the glass.”

“No, a normal person would pull the plug,” said the doctor. “Would you like a bed near the window?”

❧  ❧  ❧  ❧  ❧

An elderly lady was giving directions to her grandson, who was coming to visit with his wife.

“I’m in apartment 12T,” she said. “When you get to the front door of the building you’ll see a big panel. Push button 12T with your elbow and I’ll buzz you in. When you get inside, the elevator will be on your right. Get in the elevator and hit 12 with your elbow. When you get out of the elevator, my door will be to your left. Hit the doorbell with your elbow.”

“That sounds simple enough,” said her grandson. “But why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What?” said Grandma. “You mean you’re coming empty-handed?”

❧  ❧  ❧  ❧  ❧

Three brothers had each started a business, and as all three businesses prospered, the brothers became wealthy men. One day they talked about the gifts they planned to give their mother for her eightieth birthday.

The first said, “I bought a beautiful mansion for her.”

The second said, “I bought her a limousine and hired a chauffeur to drive her wherever she wants to go.”

The third said, “Remember how Mother used to love reading her Bible, before her eyesight failed? Well, I bought her a parrot that recites the entire Bible. Mother will only have to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

Shortly after her birthday, the mother sent each son a thank-you note.

“Dear Milton,” she wrote to the first son, “The house you gave me is so big, I feel lost in it. I live alone, so what do I need all these extra rooms for?”

“Dear Gerald,” she wrote to the second son, “I am too old to travel. I stay home most of the time, so I rarely use the car, and the driver is a real pain in the neck.”

“Dear Baxter,” she wrote to the third son, “You alone have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.”


18 Responses to Senior moments

  1. Citizen Tom says:

    Got to give that old lady credit. She can still pluck, gut, and cook a bird.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. K.L. Hale says:

    I can’t stop giggling! Your job is done! 🤪😂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. John Holton says:

    Mort and Alice are sitting watching TV. At a commercial, Alice says “Mort, would you be a sweetheart and get me a bowl of that Rocky Road ice cream?” Mort gets up and shuffles off to the kitchen. He’s gone for half an hour and comes back carrying a tray with bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns, pancakes with syrup, orange juice and coffee and sets it in front of Alice. Alice looks and says “You forgot the toast.”

    Liked by 3 people

  4. oh oh, I chose the bucket.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. jenny_o says:

    I chose the bucket too — oopsie!

    These are great, b.o.b. — thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As my husband and I are having more senior moments than we like, this is so funny! Thanks for the laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. HAHAHA!! “The chicken was delicious”!! Epic!! 😂 🍗
    Great ones, Blue! 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  8. V.M.Sang says:

    Poor parrot! I love all these.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ibikenyc says:

    All funny, but I literally laughed out loud at the last one! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Eileen says:

    Good ones. The chicken one was delicious!

    Liked by 1 person

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